Laughter and Tears

Some Laughter

2009-10-10T07:08:00.002-06:00

My last post was about some of the things I've learned at Creme (some through tears) and so now I think it's time to share some parts of my job that make me laugh! I have one little boy in my class, K, who I absolutely adore, but who also tests me continually. He is the most enthusiastic and affectionate little boy you'll ever meet, but he is also the most high maintenance little boy you'll ever meet. He is always touching, pushing, yelling, making noises, trying to get the people around him to make noises, hugging, laughing really loudly, running, grabbing, banging, provoking the other kids, etc. He makes the kids around him mad all the time, but it's not done maliciously, just in an attempt to make some fun. And because of this, I am continually asking him to stop and asking him to apologize. He is VERY generous with his apologies. He is always so quick to say, "I'm sorry," and to tell his friends reassuringly, "You'll be okay," as though someone else was the cause of their tears. He also tells me every day (sometimes multiple times a day) that he loves me, I'm his best friend, and that I'm beautiful. Have I mentioned I love this kid? :)

So there's the back-up of this funny story. It's about 5:15 pm and K has had an especially hard time controlling himself this day. I'm tired of correcting him, and so when he does the same thing I've just asked him not to do 30 seconds ago, I impatiently say to him, "K, I just asked you not to do that. You have to stop doing that." He looks completely unaffected and proceeds to respond with his quick and obligatory "I'm sorry," and for some reason his cute face, his spirit so resilient to ever feeling defeated or discouraged, his Indian accent as he says "I'm sorry," and everything about the whole day strikes me as so FUNNY. I try really hard not to laugh, but that only makes it burst out all the more when I can't contain it. All the kids immediately look at me surprised and it doesn't take long for them to all join in with me, even though they have no idea what they are laughing about. I have a hard time stopping laughing and the kids have no problem keep right on laughing with me. I think we laughed for a good three to five minutes together. :)

And here's another thing that made me laugh: We're all outside on a beautiful day at about 4:15 pm. One of the kids, R, tells me that he saw me through the looking glass on the playground. I say, "Really? How'd I look?" He puts his head down slightly, tries not to smile, and says, "Great. Great with lipstick on." I tried not to laugh, just to look happy and pleased, but afterwards I laughed really hard about it.

And last one: one of the little girls in my coteacher's class calls me, "Ms. Happy." Every time she calls me that, a smile comes to my soul.

What I've Learned

2009-09-19T13:15:00.002-06:00

When I started this job as a preschool teacher, I decided I didn't want to expect perfection of myself, but instead made a goal for myself to learn something each day and then work on incorporating that thing for the next few days. After 34 days of working there, here are 34 things I've learned (or relearned):

1. Don't be ashamed or afraid to ask for help--when you really need it, swallow your pride and ask for help. People are usually willing and happy to help.
2. When a kid is potty-training, don't say: "Johnny, it's time to go potty," but rather, "Johnny, come with me" and then take him by the hand to the potty, and you'll get a lot less resistance.
3. Know your boundaries and stick by them. When a kid stays within the boundaries, reward him. When a kid steps out of the boundaries, have natural consequences for it.
4. Enjoy and cherish the magic of childhood. Remember that everything is so new to these children and celebrate their discoveries with them. Life is precious and is a gift from God--enjoy it!!
5. Talk to the children, not at them.
6. When a child is not listening to you, physical contact (touching their arm, holding their face, sometimes even just getting close to them) works much better at getting their attention than raising your voice.
7. Focus on the children's interests, feelings, and needs rather than on the rules and expectations of the program.
8. When talking to children, use short, simple, concise, concrete phrases rather than lengthy explanations or directions.
9. Involve the children as much as possible in everything you do.
10. Take time to give rewards (stickers, high-fives, verbal praise by name), and you will thank yourself for it.
11. Make a point of teaching good manners and respect for elders by having them say "yes ma'am" rather than just "yes."
12. Don't ask the children if they can or want to do something, direct them by saying phrases such as "Will you please..." or "I need you to..." or "I want you to..."
13. Play with the children and use that as an incentive for the children. Also, use the kids' desire to be your big helper as an incentive.
14. Focus on the people you serve rather than on whether or not you are doing a good job serving them.
15. The Atonement can make up for your shortcomings. With the help and grace of Jesus Christ, everything that is honestly worked towards is good enough.
16. Relax and focus on quality rather than on quantity. It's better to let things go than to feel stressed and consequently have a tense atmosphere in your class.
17. Logic often fails in working with small children, and so following intution and the Spirit is often the better way to go about helping a small child who is having a hard time.
18. Assume that everyone around you is honestly doing their best with what they have.
19. Children are innocent and need direction, correction, and consequences--not punishment or reprimanding.
20. Losing your patience with difficult children is a temptation that can only be overcome by prayer, fasting, and the Atonement.
21. Give children 3 and 1 minute warnings for times of transition.
22. There is not one "good teacher," so it's pointless to compare yourself to others. Everyone uses their strengths and personality to teach with a different style, and you need to focus on using your strengths and personality to be the best teacher you can be.
23. It's more important what God thinks of how you're doing your job than what management thinks of how you're doing your job. Follow the rules of the organization, but don't be preoccupied with pleasing management.
24. Choosing not to ever speak poorly of a coworker is so worth it. When you are having a hard time with a coworker, seek advice and understanding from the Spirit and outside sources, not another coworker.
25. Priesthood blessings can calm hearts and open the floodgate of revelation.
26. Kids need to know you're the boss and you're in control, or else they will feel their life is out of control and act out.
27. Love never fails--when you feel that all else is failing, seek to express love for the kids.
28. Think of the manual labor involved in raising kids as service rather than drudgery.
29. Physical touch and activity is so important for my class! Hugs, high fives, holding hands, jumping, running--these things are invaluable and must be incorporated into the day for it to go well.
30. Pray for specific things that you and your kids need help with rather than general blessings.
31. When children are upset, give them words for what they are feeling and then offer them a possible plan of action for them to feel better.
32. Sometimes my children will say "I can't do it!" when I ask them to do something. I know they can, but they think they can't. I tell them they have to try and then I will help them. I think that's the way with us and Heavenly Father--if we just try, He will help us, but we have to try.
33. To save your back, bend from the legs--even if you look silly doing it!
34. Encourage the children that they are big and can make good choices rather than emphasizing that they are not making good choices.

Here's to many more lessons to come!

Learning from Failure

2009-08-08T09:04:00.003-06:00

I'm back again! After the big move to Atlanta, I've found a job and am now ready to share my fun work stories again. :) I got a job as a preschool teacher at a Creme de la Creme (super high-end day care). It is the nicest day care anyone could imagine. The building is HUGE, with not only different rooms for all the different age groups, but also a gym, ballet studio, tennis court, basketball court, playground, water park, math room, computer room, library, art room, music room, uniform store, reading room, hair-cut salon, fish pond...you get the picture. (Everything is kid-size, but still!) The center of the building is built to look like a French town. Yeah, it's pretty nice.

Monday was my first day. Monday through Thursday I shadowed the teacher I will be replacing, and she was great to show me how things are done. Because everything there is so high quality, they also expect their teachers to do a lot, and so there was (and IS) a lot for me to learn! By Thursday I was starting to feel sufficiently overwhelmed. I started thinking, "What was I thinking that I could do this? I can't do this! I am going to let everyone down--my supervisors, my co-teachers, the kids, the kids' parents. Aaaah!!!"

As much as I wish this was a new thing for me to experience, it is not. In fact, having these feelings was like meeting with a very old and familiar friend (or should I say enemy). All these feelings accompanied me almost constantly as I tried to teach kindergarten at the KinderCare in Salt Lake. I really felt inadequate to the challenges I had there, and although no parent or supervisor complained about me (that I'm aware of), I was always worrying that I wasn't doing a good enough job for the children.

So, alas, here I was on Thursday night, feeling really inadequate and REALLY not looking forward to the companionship of my old enemy. And so I decided I needed to do something about it. So I wrote down all the negative thoughts that were going through my head and then turned to the scriptures for help. I turned to Alma 44, and in this chapter Moroni is talking to his enemy Zerahemnah about how the Lord has helped him (Moroni) overcome him (Zerahemnah). He said in verse 4,

"Now ye see that this is the true faith of God; yea, ye see that God will support, and keep, and preserve us, so long as we are faithful unto him, and unto our faith, and our religion; and never will the Lord suffer that we shall be destroyed except we should fall into transgression and deny our faith."

From that verse, I realized that the Lord will support and keep and preserve me in my efforts to be a good preschool teacher, as long as I continue in my faith in Him. I needed to give up the fear of my inadequacies, and rather accept them as a part of life and turn to the Lord for support, having the faith that he would preserve me (and the kids) despite them. I realized that I was focusing too much on wanting to be amazing, phenomenal, incredible, to the point that I was terrified of mediocrity and paralyzed by the possibility of failure. When really I should embrace the fact that I am just learning, and therefore I probably will fail repeatedly in my efforts to be a perfect teacher. But that's okay, because as long as I stay faithful to the Lord, he will not let my failings destroy me or the children I teach. So instead of being afraid of failure, I should anticipate it and learn from it, including taking advantage of many opportunities to daily apply the Atonement in my life.

Let me tell you, mediocrity never felt so good! On Friday I had such a good day, because I anticipated making lots of mistakes and struggling to meet all the expectations my supervisor has for me. I walked into the room expecting to fail and face it head on! But I also walked into the room knowing that the Lord would support and preserve and keep me through it all, that He was watching over me and the children, that He would help me learn from my failures and not allow me to fail in any way that would really hurt the children. It was like a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders.

I'm so glad I've figured this out, but now's the hard part: actually living it! I think I should pray every morning for help to learn from my mistakes, let go of the burden of perfectionism, and increase my faith that Jesus can and will make up for my weaknesses. Wish me luck!

The Power of ONE

2009-03-22T15:30:00.003-06:00

One thing I have learned during my time teaching at KinderCare is the power each child has to influence the atmosphere of a class. You add or take away even just one student, and the entire class environment can change. It is really amazing to me. This has become especially apparent to me since one of my kids has stopped coming on Fridays. He is my hardest kid--constantly seeking negative attention, picking fights with other kids, and not responsive to anything I do, positive reinforcement included. Ever since his mom started working four 10 hour shifts Monday through Thursday, every Friday has been SO nice!! Everyone is more at ease, more laid-back, and has an easier time staying on task. I am always amazed at how much we get done, how peaceful our class feels, and how much easier everything is on Friday. And it's just because one kid isn't there. Each one of us really does have such tremendous power to influence those around us, for good or for bad.

Chasing and Changing-It-Up

2009-02-25T20:33:00.004-07:00

I have two thoughts I wanted to share tonight:

The first is, I've been thinking lately about how amazing it is that almost all kids LOVE to be chased and never tire of it. I think I could chase my kindergartners around the playground the whole afternoon and they wouldn't get tired of it. But of course I get tired of it! Especially when 10 of them are begging for me to chase them at once and I can only chase one at a time. But it's not just my kindergartners--have you ever tried chasing a little kid who didn't like it? It's the sure-fire way to get a kid to think you're fun. It's amazing to me how simple and predictable it is, and yet how delighted they are by it. I think it's mostly the adult attention they love so much.

And the second is, I've been thinking a lot about what my friend Maegan said the other day. She was talking to me about disciplining kids, and she said something to the extent of, "When something isn't working, you need to try something different! Most of the time it doesn't matter what it is, as long as it's something different." I think that's so true. So often trying to discipline kids can feel like banging your head against a wall, but maybe we're the ones banging our heads, and if we just tried something different, the kids would respond better. Like using humor, or responding in a way they wouldn't expect you to, or saying something in an unusual way, or tweaking the consequence you usually use, or just stopping to give them a hug or tell them you love them, or doing something fun you don't usually do. Just doing SOMETHING different. Because then it catches their attention and brings them out of their fit, tantrum, stubbornness, bad mood, defiant attitude, etc.

Recently I've been feeling like my kindergartners are really testing my patience, but as I've been trying to implement this principle, I'm seeing it more in terms of testing my CREATIVITY, FLEXIBILITY, and INNOVATION. How creative can I be in helping them learn what they need to learn and behave like they should behave and snap out of their tantrums? Let me tell you, it's exhausting! And it takes a lot of self-control. But I have to say it beats banging my head against a wall.

So wish me luck in trying to be funny, flexible, innovative, and calm! :) And I wish all you parents out there the same.

Now that's funny

2009-02-05T14:24:00.002-07:00

Today one of my sweetest little girls said the funniest thing. The kids were playing after lunch, and I kept having problems with the boys hurting each other while play-fighting. So I gathered all the boys in front of me and talked to them about how we can't play-fight at school. While I was talking, one of my little girls came over by us and watched me talk to the boys. And then right after I finished my little lecture, she stood in front of all those boys and announced proudly, "I am the hottest person in this class!" I couldn't help but laugh at that, but luckily I don't think any of them noticed. She stuck out her hand and had all the boys feel how hot she was. I have no idea why she was so proud of how warm she was, but I am positive she did this innocently. But just the fact that it was in front of all the boys in the class, I thought it was so funny!!

Never Underestimate the Power of...

2009-01-12T16:14:00.005-07:00

Lowering Your Expectations
Hands-on Activities
Rewards (no, not bribery--rewards :) )
Praise
Social Thinking principles

The first three days back from Christmas break were probably the worst days of kindergarten for me yet this year. By Wednesday afternoon I was feeling like I was going to go crazy. I was thinking, "What am I going to do with these kids??!" It was that bad. Just ask my mom--I called her and vented my lights out when I got home from work that day.

But after venting, I was able to sit down and think, "Okay, really, what am I going to do with these kids?" I recently have had a handful of challenging kids added to my class, and so it was good for me to sit down and think about what I needed to do differently to help these kids. And that list up there is what I came up with.

First up, I had to lower my expectations of how much we were able to get done in a day. I needed to focus on QUALITY more than QUANTITY.

Secondly, I decided these kids need more hands-on activities--crafts, sensory stimulation, etc. This is really not my forte, but I'm working on it! Playing with clay, finger painting, making puppets, and playing musical bells are a few things I've tried. If any of you have any easy, fun craft ideas, feel free to pass them on!

Third, I realized these kids needed a little more to motivate them to get work done. I needed to reward them more often and with a wider variety of things. I'm still working on this, too.

Fourth, I needed to praise positive behavior more than give negative attention for negative behavior. And I've found being more exuberant in my praise hasn't hurt either. This is actually something I'm pretty good at already, so that's helpful.

And last but not least, I've applied some of the Social Thinking principles I've learned through working with my kids with autism to my kiddos at school. And it has worked wonders! Thank you, Social Thinking!

And I'm happy to report that the last three days of school have been leaps and bounds better! Wish me luck with the next three! :)

Transforming Truths

2008-12-14T18:29:00.002-07:00

One of my goals this year has been to teach my kindergarteners correct principles. These principles are not in the curriculum, but I try to teach them during teaching opportunities (mostly times of conflict) throughout the course of the day. Like, if you want to be happy, try to make other people happy, and you will feel good inside. Or, you have to take responsibility for your own actions. Or, people are more likely to do nice things for you if you ask them nicely. Or, just because you know more than another person does not make you better than them. And the list could go on.

But there are a few things that I wish I could teach the children that I cannot because of political reasons. I wish I could teach them truths that have changed my life, that transform the way I see the world and want to act in the world. And here are a few of them:

God loves each one of us very much.

Every person is of great worth because Jesus died for them. Jesus died for them and loves them, and so we should treat them with respect because of that.

God made our bodies and gave us our bodies, and so they are special and we need to treat them with respect.

Even though we make mistakes, we don't have to despair, because we can be forgiven. If we pray to Heavenly Father and ask Him to forgive us and help us not do it again, Heavenly Father will forgive us because Jesus died for us.

All the beautiful and good things in this world come from Jesus.

Heavenly Father can help us do hard things if we pray to Him for help.

And again, the list could go on. I love my kids so much and wish that I could teach them these things. But for now I'll try to teach them all the good things I'm allowed to, and I look forward to the day that I will be able to teach my own children these transforming truths.

The Color of My Life

2008-12-05T18:40:00.004-07:00

Chad and I had a FABULOUS ;) time in Georgia for Thanksgiving. Oh my goodness I loved it. Jessi and Audra both spoiled us so much and it was so much fun to be with family. So as you can imagine, I was not one bit happy to have to leave on Monday. But on the morning of our departure, we went to the book store to buy some books for our journey home, and I was blessed to find the perfect book! It was just what I needed to pick me up and push me on my way to a better attitude about my life.

It was "The Giver" by Lois Lowry. I loved it so much and I've been thinking about it all week. I don't want to spoil it for those who haven't read it, so I won't say much about it, only that it totally inspired me to look for the good in my life. After reading it I thought, "What gives the color to my life? What are the special moments of life that I should be savoring and rejoicing in?" And a flood of happy memories from my work at KinderCare came to me, and I jotted them down quickly. That really helped me feel more positive about going back to work. I thought I should record them in more detail, so here they are:

T*'s passion of finding, catching, and studying bugs. She loves them so much that at the beginning of the school year, there were several occasions when she could not stop crying because a bug was over the fence and she couldn't get it to come over to her, A* caught a bug that she thought was hers, etc, etc. It became so bad that I told her she could only look for and catch bugs if she promised not to cry over them. So whenever she started crying over them, I'd remind her that she wouldn't be able to look for bugs if she was going to cry. I cannot tell you how cute it was to see her little courageous spirit immediately compose herself, calm down, and deal with her conflict without crying. I wonder if God looks down on my problems like I've looked at T*'s bug catching problems, and I pray I am as courageous as T* is.

M* has the most outlandish stories! Almost every day, he tell me something that is untrue to try to impress me. He's lived in Germany, had a pet tiger, and his dad was bitten by a scorpoin and a spider at the same time! Man I love that kid.

Those success moments when my kids who have anger management issues handle difficult situations in appropriate and pro-social ways. In those moments I can almost hear the "Halelujah Chorus" being sung in the heavens (or at least in my mind! :) ).

During the summer every Friday was water day--the kids get in their swimsuits, fill squirt bottles up with water, and play around a water-spraying toy on the lawn. On a couple different water days this summer our water-spraying-toy was broken, and so I took the hose and sprayed the kids. The squeals of delight, the looks of surprise when the water hit them, the kids trying to get back at me with their water bottles: those are some memories I'll treasure during the cold winter days coming up.

Playing chess with B*! That was definitely one of my favorite activities during the summer. I love that kid so much, and chess sure did bring out the best of him. I love the memory of the first time he said "Check!" to me in jest. I was like, "What! How?" He got me good that time, and I think it was the last he did, too. Another time when he took one of my bishops, and I totally didn't see it coming! I was planning a good move with it, and so I said, "Oh, sad!!" He looked at me with a concerned face and said, "Don't be sad, Ms. Abbi, it's just a game."

I love to hear my kids use the term "team player." I'll praise my kids for being a team player when they are helpful to their friends, pick up toys they didn't play with, help out around the classroom, etc. So it's so funny to hear my kindergartners say to me, "Ms. Abbi, look, I'm being a team player!" or "Ms, Abbi, G*'s not being a team player!" :)

A few times when I've been sitting on the carpet with my class, teaching them something or another, they've all collectively decided out of the blue to give me a group hug. Those are sweet moments.

During October my schoolagers got it in their mind to make a haunted house out of the jungle gym in our playground. They absolutely loved being scarers and being scared, and they would scream and scream and scream. Eventually it got to the point that it was just too much screaming to sound good, so I told them they couldn't play it any more because it sounded like somebody was getting hurt. So what did their creative little minds do? They said, "All right Ms. Abbi, we'll change it to a Laughing House!" All the scarers were transformed into clowns and the visitors enjoyed their role of laughing as they had screaming. Then in November when Thanksgiving was around the corner, they made a "Turkey House." It was so funny seeing those kids walk around the playground pretending they were turkeys shouting, "Come to the Turkey House, gobble, gobble, gobble" over and over again. Needless to say, the Turkey House didn't last near as long as the haunted house had, but boy was it funny while it lasted.

During the summer on one particularly hard day, two of my kids, A* and A*, cleaned up the whole classroom before snack when everyone else was choosing to ignore me and not pick up their areas. I was so pleased and grateful that these two kids did this without even being asked, that I publicly thanked them and told them I would get them their favorite candy bar for it. Well, for the next two weeks, D*, A*'s brother, was constantly doing things to be helpful around the class and telling me, "Ms. Abbi, look what I'm doing! And my favorite kind of candy is a Nerd's Rope. You can get it at the Dollar Tree. Do you know where the Dollar Tree is?" And every day he'd remind me to pick one up for him. He was so persistent! So of course I got one for him. The day D* and A* stopped coming to KinderCare was definitely a sad one for me, I loved those boys.

On Halloween, C* trick or treated at my house. Her mom works at my KinderCare, and so I knew that they lived really close to me and told them they should trick or treat in my neighborhood. C* has been one of my more difficult students, but I'll tell you, there was no kid that I was more thrilled to see than her that night. It's really true, those you serve you love.

Playing soccer, bouncy ball, and basketball with one of my schoolagers J*. I could tell it made him so happy to play ball with me, and I'll tell you, a happy J* is rare indeed.

B* and A* (both girls) were playing police and robbers with T* (a boy). The girls were the robbers and the boy was the police. Basically, the girls were playing chase and the boy was playing police. A* has a crush on T*, and she also happens to be very fast and athletic. It was so funny watching them play, because T* kept catching B* and taking her back to the "police station," because B* was slower and thus easier to catch. A*'s face kept getting more and more jealous and frustrated when T* would kept only catching B*! The poor girl didn't get that it was just because she was faster--she seemed to think T* was preferrentially choosing B*. Oh young love! (I've found it's mostly from the girl's point of view, and the boys are oblivious.)

And this last memory is one of my very most treasured. In mid to late November, we had some beautiful warm sunny days. On one of these days the sun was out and there was a slight wind gently blowing from the west. There are a whole bunch of desiduous trees to the west of us, and it seemed the wind was carrying all of their leaves down to us as a gift. All the leaves were dancing down towards us, a parade of falling leaves. All the kids and I stood on the lawn for quite some time trying to catch them. The leaves were so quick and hard to catch, but there were so many of them, if you just put your hand up for a while, eventually a leaf would fall into it. It was the neatest experience, like a little moment of magic. Of course all the kids were absolutely delighted, and I felt like a kid again. I love how my job ages me and keeps me young all at the same time.

Regroup!

2008-11-18T13:00:00.005-07:00

Yesterday I was reminded of how important it is to regroup when my kids are out of control. When they are all fighting, bouncing off the walls, doing all sorts of things they are not supposed to do, and ignoring all my requests to do otherwise, the best thing to do is REGROUP. I definitely did not do that yesterday in an out-of-control time, and all I ended up accomplishing was feeling like a very mean teacher with some very grumpy students.

Usually, the schoolagers get back in two groups: one at 3:45 and one at 4:00. The first thing they do is sit down for snack and then they can play until we go outside at 4:30. I usually ask them to start cleaning up at around 4:25, and we're out the door by 4:35. That time from 4-4:30 is usually a stressful time of day because they get back from school so hyper, loud, and energetic, and our one little room can only hold so much. But most days it's bearable, and then once we get outside where they can run and yell, it's much easier.

Well, yesterday they all got back from school in one group at 4:11. And from then on I was yelling (you have to yell if you want to be heard over 20 loud kids--that is, unless you REGROUP), "Hurry and eat snack so we can go outside!" "Hurry and clean up so we can go outside!" "I am not the one who made all this mess, so I should not be the only one cleaning it!" "You need to stop ____!" "You cannot be ____!" "You know you're not supposed to ____!" "It's time to go outside, we need to all help clean up!" "Everyone, line up to go outside!"...You get the picture.

So yeah, we didn't get outside until after 4:45, and we have to come inside at 5:00. So of course all the kids complain when I say it's time to go inside that "We just got out here!" To which I snap that it's their fault, if they had just listened and cleaned up when I asked them to, we could have had a lot longer time outside. It was such a beautiful day, they were not the only grumpy ones that we only had ten minutes outside.

Needless to say, I came home feeling like an el-crapo teacher. Which is really unfortunate, because I think I had actually done a pretty good job teaching, explaining, and being patient for the first six hours of the day. But all I could think was, "Why didn't I just regroup!"

If I had just regrouped at 4:20 (when I started to sense that everyone was out of control), then I could have avoided all that nightmare time. I could have had them all come to the carpet where I would calmly and kindly explain the situation to them. I would apologize that we didn't have very much time to play inside today, but since they got back late, we needed to just clean up right away. I would beg them to please please please try to stay under control until we got outside and then they could be as crazy as they wanted to be. I would say the faster we clean up, the faster we can go outside. I would assign them to specific areas to clean up, so everyone knew exactly what they needed to do. And I wouldn't even need to yell one bit. *Sigh* If only... But I am determined to do better next time!

But on to a better story about regrouping, one that is actually a success story, and funny too.

Several times when my kindergartners have seemed to all be fighting with each other, I have had them come to the carpet and I've discussed the situation with them. I ask these questions, with these types of responses from them:
"I am really sad, because I am feeling some yucky feelings in this class. Is anyone else feeling that?" (Yes.)
"Why do you think I am feeling so yucky?" (Because we are all fighting.)
"I want our class to be a place where we can feel good and safe. How do you think we could get rid of these yucky feelings and feel good again?" (Stop fighting and be nice.)
"Do you think that if someone came up to me and stole the toy I was playing with and made me really mad, do you think hitting them back would help us have good feelings in this class?" (No!)
"So if someone came up to me and stole my toy, what could I do about it and still not feel yucky?" (Ask them nicely to give it back, explain that I was playing with it, etc.)
And then at the end of the conversation, I usually say something nice about each student in the class to help bring back good feelings into the class. This technique has worked so well for our class. (A big thanks to Heather W*, Quinn's mom, for demonstrating this approach to me in her home.)

So with that said, you'll understand why this story is cute and funny. Yesterday a little girl in my class came up to me and said the cutest thing. I wish you could see her little concerned face, and know her cute personality behind it. "Ms. Abbi, A* yelled in my face, and now I have yucky feelings." I had to try really hard not to smile at that!

Taught Right

2008-11-07T21:10:00.003-07:00

I can tell that one boy in my class has been taught how to treat girls nicely. I'm assuming it's from his dad, who drops him off and picks him up and always makes sure that he gives his little sister a hug and kiss good-bye in the morning. Here's one experience I had this week which made me really appreciate his upbringing:

Every once in a while I will write short notes to my students on the white board. It's good for literacy, and my kids get so excited about having a letter written just to them. I've also found that they love it when I sign my name as something other than "Ms. Abbi."

This week I wrote a note to the whole class, and then I gave each child a turn to have the note be written just to them and from someone other than Ms. Abbi--"Ms. Bones," "Ms. Kitty," "Ms. Grumpy," etc. They thought that was so funny, me signing my name as something I am not.

In the last note I put it as from "Ms. Beautiful." By this point they were primed to laugh at whatever I wrote, and in the spirit of the humor, one of the little girls in my class said laughingly, "Ms. Abbi, you're not beautiful!" To which another little boy responded quite defensively, "Yes she is! Ms. Abbi IS beautiful!"

Now that little boy was taught right! :)

"Nice try, Ms. Abbi"

2008-11-06T17:45:00.003-07:00

I brought some of the pictures we took in D.C. into my class to show my students pictures of our nation's capitol. I thought their responses to this picture were cute.

My kindergarteners responded all about the same:

"Ms. Abbi, that picture is so cool! It looks like you're touching it! You're not really touching it, are you?...How did you make it look like you're touching it?"

Here is the response of an 8 year old:

"Nice try, Ms. Abbi, I know you're not a giant!!"

And of a 9 year old:

"Ms. Abbi, I know how you made yourself look as tall as that building. You can't trick me! You just stood really far away. I've done that before." (He seemed quite proud of himself that he knew how I did it. :) )

Group Time

2008-11-01T08:43:00.006-06:00

One of the big challenges of teaching is transitions. That is, getting kids to clean up their areas for group time, lunch time, going outside, etc. I have found some ways that work for me to get my kids motivated to come to group time. I love kindergarten because these young kids totally fall for these tactics, whereas I don't think older kids would.

SING TO THEM
-I will sing, "I see Emma, she is sitting, she knows what to do!" The kids come running so I will sing to them that they are sitting and they know what to do!
-I will sing, "I have a friend that we all know, and Emma is her name--Get up and dance! Emma! Get up and dance! Emma! Get up and dance! Emma! And Emma will sit down." They will come running to group time so I will sing for them and they will get a chance to dance, and then at the end of it everyone is sitting down.
-Sometimes when I end the song (I've sung to each child in the class), I will sing it loud or opera-like or silly, and the kids LOVE it! It starts group with a fun feeling and helps everyone to be in a good mood.

REWARD THEM
-I tell them they will get these things if they clean up their toys and sit down for group in a certain amount of time:
-Stickers
-Jelly beans
-More play time
-Get to play "Kitty School." (I don't know why, but my kids love to act like they are cats. It drives me crazy to hear "meow, meow" all day, and so I tell them they can only act like they are cats during "kitty school." This is when during group I say I'm "Ms. Kitty" and I let them act like they are cats as long as they participate. I also call them "Emma Kitty" and "Tyler Kitty" and so forth. We say "meow" a lot during kitty school, but at least I don't have to hear it for the rest of the day.)

COUNTING
-I will say, "I don't think you guys will be able to pick up your toys in 20 seconds. Do you think you can? Okay, let's see. 1-2-..." They will race to be able to beat the 20 second mark.
-Sometimes as simple as, "I want all the toys picked up in 20 seconds. 1-2..." will work (but sometimes it doesn't, and they need more of a motivator).

COMPETING WITH ME
-I will say, "It's almost group time, and I still have to wipe off these tables and sweep the floor. You guys need to clean up your areas. Who will be ready for group time first--me or you?" They will race to get cleaned up because they love to beat Ms. Abbi and say they are the winners.

PLAYING GAMES
-I will start playing a game with the couple of kids who come right to group, and the rest of them will want to join, so they will stop what they're doing and join us.
-One game they love is "guess the person." I describe one of the kids who is sitting on the carpet and they guess who it is. Of course I say really nice things, so the kids will be motivated to come to group and hear nice things about themselves.

GIVE THEM A SCORE
-I will tell them that a 10 is sitting, listening, and participating in group, and a 0 is wrestling, talking, playing, and not listening or participating. I'll say, "I want you to be a 10 the whole time!" During group time if a certain kid or the whole class is having a hard time, I will say, "Remember, I want you to be a 10!" and they will usually want to come back to what they are supposed to be doing. And then at the end I will give them a score, and they love to get a 10!
-I will also grade how nice the room looks after they clean up. I'll say, "Oh, it looks great! This is an A+!" Or "Uh-oh, Home Living is still a mess, I think this room is only a B" or whatever.

Are there any other ideas you've used that work?

"Just Worry About Yourself"

2008-10-25T14:20:00.004-06:00

A lot of tattling goes on in kindergarten. A lot. I have found that there are two different types of tattling: 1) tattling to protect oneself or one's friends from hurt or injury, and 2) tattling to get someone else in trouble.

Type 1 Tattling is totally fine with me! I'm happy to tell a kids to stop doing something if they are hurting someone or may potentially hurt someone. Usually I repond to this kind of tattling by saying, "Thank you for telling me" and will go to resolve the situation.

But Type 2 Tattling bugs me. I don't think it's a very healthy attribute to be going around trying to get others in trouble. Every kid in the class does things they are not supposed to and it really is not very nice to go around getting other kids in trouble, when I know that in just a few minutes they won't want anybody going to get them in trouble! Usually I respond to this kind of tattling by saying, "Just worry about yourself, I'm the teacher and I will take care of it." (Most of the time I am already aware of these kinds of situations anyway and have done something outside of the tattler's knowledge to address the issue.)

I've thought a lot about that phrase--"Just worry about yourself." I think that is so true in life. I think that is what Jesus was saying when He said, "Judge not, that ye be not judged" (3 Nephi 14:1). He's saying, don't worry about justice being given to others, just worry about trying your very hardest to apply mercy to everyone. If you don't want others trying to get you to pay for every little infraction you make, don't do the same to others.

I can also imagine Jesus saying to me when I'm thinking about whether or not people who have done bad things will pay for it, "Just worry about yourself, Abbi. I am God and I will take care of it." And really, what a relief to be able to pass that on to someone else (a perfect someone, nonetheless) and not have to worry about it. It's nice that we don't have to figure everything out, we just need to do our best. I am going to try really hard to "just worry about myself" when I'm tempted to think about others' injustices.

New blog

2008-08-26T19:53:00.006-06:00

Hello all! I just wanted to let you know that Chad and I have started a new blog. chadandabbi.blogspot.com I thought it would be fun to have a couple blog instead of just a blog of my own. So if you want to hear from us, go there!

Good-bye July!

2008-07-31T19:11:00.003-06:00

The last two months of Chad's residency were so busy, that in May and June whenever we'd talk about wanting to do anything fun or productive together, we'd say, "We'll do it in July." It kind of became a joke around our house--we had about a million things that we were going to do "In July." And now I can't believe July is almost over! And although we didn't do everything we had brought up, we sure did a lot!

We visisted my parents in Eugene, had the M* clan over to our home for a pot-luck dinner, went out to eat twice, went out for ice cream once, went to see a movie, went to the Salt Lake temple, went to a BBQ with some friends in the ward, spent an evening with Nate and Michelle at Sundance, went to Lamb Days with family, spent an evening with Dale and Crystal's kids, watched a movie together at home, spent a day in Midway with Joe and Kjirsten, three of their kids, and Adam and Jessie, spent an evening with the C* clan in Centerville, bought a car, Chad went backpacking with his brothers in the Uintas, and we got food storage and medical supplies for our emergency preparedness. Now that is a month well spent!

And August won't be too shabby either, what with the sweet two-week trip Chad has been planning for us. It will include a week of camping in the Grand Teton, Yellowstone, Glacier, and Waterton National Parks and then a week on a cruise to Alaska! What a wonderful summer. I know I've never said this before, but I feel like the luckiest girl on the planet.

My Memory

2008-07-26T21:57:00.003-06:00

I'm not going to lie--I have a pretty good memory. But there is one thing I am NOT good at remembering, and that is plot lines. After watching a movie or reading a book, I remember characters, but I do not remember what happened or in what order things happened! It is so funny to me. I can watch a movie or read a book for the second time and it feels like the first because I can't remember what's going to happen! This has happened to me with the Bourne movies, Harry Potter VI, Moulin Rouge, and other books and movies. I kinda like it, because it means I can experience many wonderful things twice! :)

And on a less random note, we got a new car today! Hooray! Our Nissan Maxima was giving us grief and not getting very good gas mileage, so we traded it in for another Honda Civic. We've loved our civic and we feel happy to have two of them now. It's white, and so now we have salt and pepper in our garage. :) I'm so excited because it's a manual and so now I get to learn how to drive a stick shift! I've always wanted to learn how to drive a stick, but never had any need to, so didn't get around to it. And now I will. Wish me luck!!! And the best part of it all is we just passed mile 111,111 in the Maxima, and so we were able to still experience that happy milestone in it before giving it up. Chad and I were together when we hit mile 111,111 and had a great celebration over it. And in about another 25,000 miles, we'll be able to celebrate that milestone together for the third time in our white civic! Life is bliss.

Memories!

2008-07-14T18:24:00.000-06:00

Memory Lane...the tag that gets everyone involved.

I got this from my sister Audra's blog. I hope you will play along. Here are the directions:

1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you. If you don't want to play on your blog, or if you don't have a blog, I'll leave my memory of you in my comments.

Hooray for Chad!!!

2008-07-13T14:46:00.005-06:00

Chad finished his residency two weeks ago, and we are both loving this new life of ours! It's great to have him around so much more often. We've spent three Saturdays in a row together! I can hardly believe that this is going to last. It feels unreal that we don't have any more grueling rotations to look forward to. But even though I can hardly believe it, I am loving it!

The weekend after he finished we visited my parents in Oregon and went to two days of the track and field Olympic Trials. Talk about fun, fun, fun!!! If any of you ever want to have the vacation of a lifetime, visit my parents. They really know how to host guests. They treat you like royalty and you feel like royalty in their beautiful home. We just had a blast.

The Olympic Trials were awesome. My favorite events to watch were the women's high jump, the women's 1500 meter, and the men's 10,000 meter. The men's 10,000 (that's a 10K--6.4 miles, just going around and around the track) was so inspirational to me! It was the last race on the night of the 4th of July, so you could see fireworks in the distance while you cheered on these men who were running their hearts out. It was an awesome atmosphere to be in. Every time they passed your part of the track, you stood up and cheered for them. There aren't too many sports that are as inspirational as track and field is.

My parents got us amazing seats, and so we were able to see most of the athletes up really close, and even talk to some of them briefly. Not to mention that Michael Johnson was sitting within a few yards of us! The girl who won the women's high jump (Chauntel Howard) was SO personable, friendly, funny, and flamboyant. When we told her good job, she looked up at us and said, "I could hear you cheering for me!! Thank you!" I really hope she does well at the Olympics, she was so down-to-earth and nice.

One last Olympic Trials detail, and then I'll move on. We watched the women's 1500 meter qualifying races, and there was a girl who looked 14 who made it to the finals!! Later we found out she was 16, and that in that race she broke the high school girls record. It was so cool to be a part of that!

Another really fun thing we did in Oregon was tour the new hospital my dad has been working on for the last three years. He is the CEO of a hospital that will very soon have two campuses--the new campus (the hospital I just mentioned) and the original campus. They have put a ton of effort into this new hospital--not just to make it nice but also to change the structure of the hospital to make it more patient-centered. They analyzed the process of care in each section of the hospital, changed the processes to be more patient-friendly, and built the hospital in a way that would be conducive to these changes. It was so inspiring and exciting to see!

The hospital is beautiful and also in a very peaceful, natural setting (flanked by fields, tall trees, and a river). I think hospitals are such sacred places, and I was so proud to see how my dad has reflected this idea in his leadership of the hospital. Way to go Dad, you did great! And good luck with all the last-minute projects and with transferring the patients in a month!!! We'll be praying for you.

I'm sorry I don't have any pictures to post of this trip, but I actually have a good excuse this time. My camera broke. If it hadn't, I would have posted pictures of the Olympic Trials, the new hospital, and the beautiful wedding quilt my mom made for us and sent us home with. It's on our bed now, and I will post pictures of it once we get our new camera that we ordered last night. The quilt is a charm quilt, meaning no two fabrics are the same in the entire quilt. We did the math and found out that it includes nearly 800 different kinds of fabric. My mom says it is like a history of her quilting life--she remembers where and why she bought many of the fabrics. She can point out many of the fabrics and tell me where that fabric is in other quilts and projects she has made. It truly is a treasure. THANK YOU MOM!!!

We came home from Oregon a week ago, and then the next day all of the M* clan (except Wayne and Hillary) came over to celebrate Chad's graduation from residency. We had a delicious pot-luck dinner and talked and played games. It was wonderful to celebrate with family. It feels so good to love others so much and feel so loved in return.

In short, life is good because Chad is done with residency and we have the best family in the whole world.

Twilight

2008-06-27T20:35:00.002-06:00

My Review:

It's not that well-written.

There are major parts of the plot and characters that bugged me while I read it.

I have very little in common with the main character.

The heart-throb Edward really isn't my type.

AND I LOVE IT!!!! I can't wait to start "New Moon."

(P.S. Sorry, Kjirsten! :) )

Oh the Places We've Been

2008-06-21T19:59:00.019-06:00

A year ago this weekend Chad and I got married! In some ways I can hardly believe it, but in other ways our wedding day feels like a really long time ago. We have done so much in our first year! We've had multiple people tell us to live it up and travel as much as we can before having kids, and we've tried our hardest to do just that. And I think we've done a pretty good job, thanks to Chad's amazing trip-planning skills. Chad has taken me so many places, I don't know how I got so lucky. Here are the highlights of our year in 31 pictures:

MIDWAY--with a beautiful view of Mt. Timpanogos.

HAWAII--with a beautiful view of the Pacific Ocean.

Helicoptering over Maui.Hiking through a bamboo forest.
Black sand beach.
The Hawaii temple (we've also been to the Jordan River, Bountiful, Provo, Manti, Ogden, Salt Lake, and San Diego temples together since we've been married).We also went snorkeling in Hawaii, but I don't have any pictures of that.

UINTAS--with a beautiful view of the mountains.

My first time every back-packing
My first time ever catching a fish
OREGON--where we had a marvelous time with my parents.THE CABIN--we've been there three times since getting married. While there we went four-wheeling, snow-mobiling, and snow-shoeing. Here's one picture of me on a four-wheeler, but not at the cabin.

PAYSON LAKE-- picnicing in the nice cool weather in the mountains--so refreshing when it's a hot summer day in the valley, and so fun to spend time with family!

TENNIS--I'm proud of how good my husband is at this sport.

NATIONAL PARKS TRIP--can be summed up in one word: WOW!!!
Canyonlands
Arches Camping--I'm a much better camper than I was a year ago. I've found that I really like it.
Mesa Verde--one of the many places Chad has taken me that has encouraged me to overcome my fear of heights.
The Grand Canyon.
Zion's

ST GEORGE MARATHON--Way to go, Chad!!!

CEDAR CITY--for Caytee's Wedding:

GEORGIA--wonderful Christmas with my family, minus Adam and Jessie.SUNDANCE FILM FESTIVAL--fun times with Nate, Michelle, and Jon.
SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA--pretend this is a beach on California (it's really in Mexico--I feel so dumb I didn't take any pictures in California even though we were there for a full week and we saw some very pretty stuff!).MEXICO--such a fun trip!

Sea kayaking to the arch at Cabo.

Deep sea fishing.
Sliding down rocks.
SALT LAKE HALF MARATHON--Go us!! Too bad it's not the most flattering picture of either of us, haha. Oh well.

GREEN RIVER TRIP--with beautiful views of red red rock.

I'm pretty sure I'm the luckiest girl on the planet. Thanks, Chad, this year's been the best!!

Swimming

2008-06-13T21:45:00.014-06:00

I am following the P* sisters' latest trend of blogging about swimming! :) It must be summer! :)

I am so excited because I am taking a swimming class at our community's recreation center! I've always been a bit jealous of my friends (Guin--if you're reading this, this is you!) who have gone to a nearby pool to exercise by swimming laps. Sure, I can swim if by "swimming" you mean treading water, but swimming laps with correct technique--now that's a different story. I could hardly put my face under water without plugging my nose! So I decided a couple months ago that if I wanted to learn the technique of freestyle and backstroke swimming, I should take a class. So I found an adult swimming lessons course offered in the community and signed up for it!

The month between signing up and the first day of class, I really looked forward to it!...And then the first day of class came. I drove to the rec center and started feeling really nervous. I thought, "What am I doing? Little kids take swimming lessons! Adults do not take swimming lessons!" It didn't help that when I walked into the room with the pool, there was a whole bunch of little kids' swimming lessons going on. The only adults in sight were parents watching their kids, the swimming instructors, and the already adept adult swimmers speeding their way along the marked-off lanes for lap swimming. Now I didn't just feel nervous, but quite embarrassed as well. "Please don't let there be anyone here I know!" I thought.

Needless to say, I was very grateful when another girl approached me and asked me if I was here for the lesson, and freely confessed her nervousness as well. It's much easier to feel embarrassed with another person than to feel all alone in your embarrassment.

But the first lesson, and the three lessons since, have turned out very well, and the feelings of nervousness and embarrassment have gone away. The pool is cleared out for just our lesson, thank goodness, and my teacher is great. She's real nice and perky and is very good at teaching. I really enjoy it and look forward to the last four lessons of the course. Not to mention a whole lifetime of swimming to stay fit! :)

There's something so enriching about learning something new. It gives you something to look forward to, to work towards. It fights off feelings of monotony or depression. One of my good friends Bri just went through a really hard break-up, and she says taking piano lessons has helped her keep busy, cope, and move on. My mom is also a great example to me of learning new skills--she has been taking French lessons and a tap class for the past year or so. She has taught me the joy of life-long learning. I want to be just like my mom when I grow up!

Overdue Half Marathon Pictures

2008-06-01T15:32:00.004-06:00

Here are the pictures I promised to post from my half-marathon:

This is at Mile 10. We were still feeling pretty good at this point!

This is approaching Mile 11, the farthest I'd ever ran before.

This is sometime during Mile 11, when we were feeling pretty tired. Once we hit Mile 12, it got easier because we thought "only one more mile!" and we pushed it hard the whole last mile to get it over with.

Hooray! We did it!

Here are the all the C*s who ran, minus Jon. At this point, Jon was still loving (er--okay, maybe hating) his full marathon. But here are the rest of us, who just ran the half marathon. Caytee, how do you look so good after running for so long?

Tag from Mom

2008-06-01T15:27:00.004-06:00

How long have you been married? Almost one year! :)
How old is your spouse? 31
Who eats more? Depends on what rotation Chad is on (he loses his appetite when he works long hours and nights). But when he has a normal schedule, he eats more than me, but not by much.
Who is taller? Chad by about 3 inches.
Who sings better? About the same.
Who is smarter? Definitely Chad.
Who controls the T.V. remote? Chad—I don’t watch all that much TV.
Whose temper is worse? Neither of us have bad tempers, I’d say we’re about the same.
Who does the laundry? Mostly me, but Chad does it sometimes too.
Who does the dishes? Mostly me.
Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? When you’re looking at it, me. When you’re sitting on it, Chad.
Who cooks dinner? Since I’ve been working until 6 most nights, neither of us. Thank you frozen pizzas, cereal, toast, and take-out! :) But I am going to try to be better and cook more often in the next couple months.
Who is more stubborn? Again, I think we’re about the same.
Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? Sorry to be redundant, but I think we’re about the same. I might be first a little more often, but maybe I just think that because I'm me! :)
Whose parents do you see the most? Definitely Chad’s. But we’re going to visit my parents in July and I can’t wait!
Who has more friends? We probably have about the same, but I contact mine more often.
Who has more siblings? Chad by 2.
Who wears the pants in the family? We share the pants—I get one leg, he gets the other! :)

Nieces and Nephews

2008-05-30T20:52:00.010-06:00

I love my nieces and nephews so much! At Adam and Jessie's wedding in Colorado I tried to get pictures of me with each one of them, but I was unsuccessful (I didn't get one with Jordan or Emily). I'll get one with them the next time I see them!

My affectionate and helpful McKenna.

My confident and beautiful Lydia.

My kind-hearted and easy-going Kyle.

My humorous and friendly Jordan (he's on the right in this picture).

My expressive and imaginative Emily.

My goofball and chocolate-loving Tanner.

My gregarious and silly Summer.

And last, but most definitely not least, my CUTE and SWEET Josh!

I love them all so much!

One of my most favorite parts of having my family visit was the day after Adam and Jessie's wedding. It was the first day of May, and it snowed! We were all tired from the wedding celebrations from the previous two days, so we slept in and took it easy for the day. The adults ate leftovers and played Settlers of Catan while the kids watched movies and played video games (thanks Nate and Michelle for letting us borrow your Wii!). It felt just like Christmas morning to me (snow and all)! :) The same happiness, family-togetherness, excitement, and carefree feelings of Christmas were in the air. Later that day we went to the Rec Center and played games and swam in the pool with the kids. It was so much FUN!

I treasure that day in my heart when I feel sad, stressed, or I miss my family. I love my family so, so, so much and am so grateful for that fun week we were able to spend together. For quite a while after they left every little part of my home reminded me of my family--"That's where McKenna slept," "This is where we had such a nice FHE put on by my wonderful parents," "This is where we played Settlers of Catan together," etc., etc. I'm so glad they were able to stay with us. Thanks for staying with us, even if it was a little cramped and maybe not the most comfortable place to stay!

Adam and Jessie's wedding was beautiful and wonderful. We are so happy for them, and excited to have Jessie in our family.