Learning from Failure

I'm back again! After the big move to Atlanta, I've found a job and am now ready to share my fun work stories again. :) I got a job as a preschool teacher at a Creme de la Creme (super high-end day care). It is the nicest day care anyone could imagine. The building is HUGE, with not only different rooms for all the different age groups, but also a gym, ballet studio, tennis court, basketball court, playground, water park, math room, computer room, library, art room, music room, uniform store, reading room, hair-cut salon, fish pond...you get the picture. (Everything is kid-size, but still!) The center of the building is built to look like a French town. Yeah, it's pretty nice.

Monday was my first day. Monday through Thursday I shadowed the teacher I will be replacing, and she was great to show me how things are done. Because everything there is so high quality, they also expect their teachers to do a lot, and so there was (and IS) a lot for me to learn! By Thursday I was starting to feel sufficiently overwhelmed. I started thinking, "What was I thinking that I could do this? I can't do this! I am going to let everyone down--my supervisors, my co-teachers, the kids, the kids' parents. Aaaah!!!"

As much as I wish this was a new thing for me to experience, it is not. In fact, having these feelings was like meeting with a very old and familiar friend (or should I say enemy). All these feelings accompanied me almost constantly as I tried to teach kindergarten at the KinderCare in Salt Lake. I really felt inadequate to the challenges I had there, and although no parent or supervisor complained about me (that I'm aware of), I was always worrying that I wasn't doing a good enough job for the children.

So, alas, here I was on Thursday night, feeling really inadequate and REALLY not looking forward to the companionship of my old enemy. And so I decided I needed to do something about it. So I wrote down all the negative thoughts that were going through my head and then turned to the scriptures for help. I turned to Alma 44, and in this chapter Moroni is talking to his enemy Zerahemnah about how the Lord has helped him (Moroni) overcome him (Zerahemnah). He said in verse 4,

"Now ye see that this is the true faith of God; yea, ye see that God will support, and keep, and preserve us, so long as we are faithful unto him, and unto our faith, and our religion; and never will the Lord suffer that we shall be destroyed except we should fall into transgression and deny our faith."

From that verse, I realized that the Lord will support and keep and preserve me in my efforts to be a good preschool teacher, as long as I continue in my faith in Him. I needed to give up the fear of my inadequacies, and rather accept them as a part of life and turn to the Lord for support, having the faith that he would preserve me (and the kids) despite them. I realized that I was focusing too much on wanting to be amazing, phenomenal, incredible, to the point that I was terrified of mediocrity and paralyzed by the possibility of failure. When really I should embrace the fact that I am just learning, and therefore I probably will fail repeatedly in my efforts to be a perfect teacher. But that's okay, because as long as I stay faithful to the Lord, he will not let my failings destroy me or the children I teach. So instead of being afraid of failure, I should anticipate it and learn from it, including taking advantage of many opportunities to daily apply the Atonement in my life.

Let me tell you, mediocrity never felt so good! On Friday I had such a good day, because I anticipated making lots of mistakes and struggling to meet all the expectations my supervisor has for me. I walked into the room expecting to fail and face it head on! But I also walked into the room knowing that the Lord would support and preserve and keep me through it all, that He was watching over me and the children, that He would help me learn from my failures and not allow me to fail in any way that would really hurt the children. It was like a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders.

I'm so glad I've figured this out, but now's the hard part: actually living it! I think I should pray every morning for help to learn from my mistakes, let go of the burden of perfectionism, and increase my faith that Jesus can and will make up for my weaknesses. Wish me luck!

The Power of ONE

One thing I have learned during my time teaching at KinderCare is the power each child has to influence the atmosphere of a class. You add or take away even just one student, and the entire class environment can change. It is really amazing to me. This has become especially apparent to me since one of my kids has stopped coming on Fridays. He is my hardest kid--constantly seeking negative attention, picking fights with other kids, and not responsive to anything I do, positive reinforcement included. Ever since his mom started working four 10 hour shifts Monday through Thursday, every Friday has been SO nice!! Everyone is more at ease, more laid-back, and has an easier time staying on task. I am always amazed at how much we get done, how peaceful our class feels, and how much easier everything is on Friday. And it's just because one kid isn't there. Each one of us really does have such tremendous power to influence those around us, for good or for bad.

Chasing and Changing-It-Up

I have two thoughts I wanted to share tonight:

The first is, I've been thinking lately about how amazing it is that almost all kids LOVE to be chased and never tire of it. I think I could chase my kindergartners around the playground the whole afternoon and they wouldn't get tired of it. But of course I get tired of it! Especially when 10 of them are begging for me to chase them at once and I can only chase one at a time. But it's not just my kindergartners--have you ever tried chasing a little kid who didn't like it? It's the sure-fire way to get a kid to think you're fun. It's amazing to me how simple and predictable it is, and yet how delighted they are by it. I think it's mostly the adult attention they love so much.

And the second is, I've been thinking a lot about what my friend Maegan said the other day. She was talking to me about disciplining kids, and she said something to the extent of, "When something isn't working, you need to try something different! Most of the time it doesn't matter what it is, as long as it's something different." I think that's so true. So often trying to discipline kids can feel like banging your head against a wall, but maybe we're the ones banging our heads, and if we just tried something different, the kids would respond better. Like using humor, or responding in a way they wouldn't expect you to, or saying something in an unusual way, or tweaking the consequence you usually use, or just stopping to give them a hug or tell them you love them, or doing something fun you don't usually do. Just doing SOMETHING different. Because then it catches their attention and brings them out of their fit, tantrum, stubbornness, bad mood, defiant attitude, etc.

Recently I've been feeling like my kindergartners are really testing my patience, but as I've been trying to implement this principle, I'm seeing it more in terms of testing my CREATIVITY, FLEXIBILITY, and INNOVATION. How creative can I be in helping them learn what they need to learn and behave like they should behave and snap out of their tantrums? Let me tell you, it's exhausting! And it takes a lot of self-control. But I have to say it beats banging my head against a wall.

So wish me luck in trying to be funny, flexible, innovative, and calm! :) And I wish all you parents out there the same.

Now that's funny

Today one of my sweetest little girls said the funniest thing. The kids were playing after lunch, and I kept having problems with the boys hurting each other while play-fighting. So I gathered all the boys in front of me and talked to them about how we can't play-fight at school. While I was talking, one of my little girls came over by us and watched me talk to the boys. And then right after I finished my little lecture, she stood in front of all those boys and announced proudly, "I am the hottest person in this class!" I couldn't help but laugh at that, but luckily I don't think any of them noticed. She stuck out her hand and had all the boys feel how hot she was. I have no idea why she was so proud of how warm she was, but I am positive she did this innocently. But just the fact that it was in front of all the boys in the class, I thought it was so funny!!

Never Underestimate the Power of...

Lowering Your Expectations
Hands-on Activities
Rewards (no, not bribery--rewards :) )
Praise
Social Thinking principles

The first three days back from Christmas break were probably the worst days of kindergarten for me yet this year. By Wednesday afternoon I was feeling like I was going to go crazy. I was thinking, "What am I going to do with these kids??!" It was that bad. Just ask my mom--I called her and vented my lights out when I got home from work that day.

But after venting, I was able to sit down and think, "Okay, really, what am I going to do with these kids?" I recently have had a handful of challenging kids added to my class, and so it was good for me to sit down and think about what I needed to do differently to help these kids. And that list up there is what I came up with.

First up, I had to lower my expectations of how much we were able to get done in a day. I needed to focus on QUALITY more than QUANTITY.

Secondly, I decided these kids need more hands-on activities--crafts, sensory stimulation, etc. This is really not my forte, but I'm working on it! Playing with clay, finger painting, making puppets, and playing musical bells are a few things I've tried. If any of you have any easy, fun craft ideas, feel free to pass them on!

Third, I realized these kids needed a little more to motivate them to get work done. I needed to reward them more often and with a wider variety of things. I'm still working on this, too.

Fourth, I needed to praise positive behavior more than give negative attention for negative behavior. And I've found being more exuberant in my praise hasn't hurt either. This is actually something I'm pretty good at already, so that's helpful.

And last but not least, I've applied some of the Social Thinking principles I've learned through working with my kids with autism to my kiddos at school. And it has worked wonders! Thank you, Social Thinking!

And I'm happy to report that the last three days of school have been leaps and bounds better! Wish me luck with the next three! :)

Transforming Truths

One of my goals this year has been to teach my kindergarteners correct principles. These principles are not in the curriculum, but I try to teach them during teaching opportunities (mostly times of conflict) throughout the course of the day. Like, if you want to be happy, try to make other people happy, and you will feel good inside. Or, you have to take responsibility for your own actions. Or, people are more likely to do nice things for you if you ask them nicely. Or, just because you know more than another person does not make you better than them. And the list could go on.

But there are a few things that I wish I could teach the children that I cannot because of political reasons. I wish I could teach them truths that have changed my life, that transform the way I see the world and want to act in the world. And here are a few of them:

God loves each one of us very much.

Every person is of great worth because Jesus died for them. Jesus died for them and loves them, and so we should treat them with respect because of that.

God made our bodies and gave us our bodies, and so they are special and we need to treat them with respect.

Even though we make mistakes, we don't have to despair, because we can be forgiven. If we pray to Heavenly Father and ask Him to forgive us and help us not do it again, Heavenly Father will forgive us because Jesus died for us.

All the beautiful and good things in this world come from Jesus.

Heavenly Father can help us do hard things if we pray to Him for help.

And again, the list could go on. I love my kids so much and wish that I could teach them these things. But for now I'll try to teach them all the good things I'm allowed to, and I look forward to the day that I will be able to teach my own children these transforming truths.

The Color of My Life

Chad and I had a FABULOUS ;) time in Georgia for Thanksgiving. Oh my goodness I loved it. Jessi and Audra both spoiled us so much and it was so much fun to be with family. So as you can imagine, I was not one bit happy to have to leave on Monday. But on the morning of our departure, we went to the book store to buy some books for our journey home, and I was blessed to find the perfect book! It was just what I needed to pick me up and push me on my way to a better attitude about my life.

It was "The Giver" by Lois Lowry. I loved it so much and I've been thinking about it all week. I don't want to spoil it for those who haven't read it, so I won't say much about it, only that it totally inspired me to look for the good in my life. After reading it I thought, "What gives the color to my life? What are the special moments of life that I should be savoring and rejoicing in?" And a flood of happy memories from my work at KinderCare came to me, and I jotted them down quickly. That really helped me feel more positive about going back to work. I thought I should record them in more detail, so here they are:

T*'s passion of finding, catching, and studying bugs. She loves them so much that at the beginning of the school year, there were several occasions when she could not stop crying because a bug was over the fence and she couldn't get it to come over to her, A* caught a bug that she thought was hers, etc, etc. It became so bad that I told her she could only look for and catch bugs if she promised not to cry over them. So whenever she started crying over them, I'd remind her that she wouldn't be able to look for bugs if she was going to cry. I cannot tell you how cute it was to see her little courageous spirit immediately compose herself, calm down, and deal with her conflict without crying. I wonder if God looks down on my problems like I've looked at T*'s bug catching problems, and I pray I am as courageous as T* is.

M* has the most outlandish stories! Almost every day, he tell me something that is untrue to try to impress me. He's lived in Germany, had a pet tiger, and his dad was bitten by a scorpoin and a spider at the same time! Man I love that kid.

Those success moments when my kids who have anger management issues handle difficult situations in appropriate and pro-social ways. In those moments I can almost hear the "Halelujah Chorus" being sung in the heavens (or at least in my mind! :) ).

During the summer every Friday was water day--the kids get in their swimsuits, fill squirt bottles up with water, and play around a water-spraying toy on the lawn. On a couple different water days this summer our water-spraying-toy was broken, and so I took the hose and sprayed the kids. The squeals of delight, the looks of surprise when the water hit them, the kids trying to get back at me with their water bottles: those are some memories I'll treasure during the cold winter days coming up.

Playing chess with B*! That was definitely one of my favorite activities during the summer. I love that kid so much, and chess sure did bring out the best of him. I love the memory of the first time he said "Check!" to me in jest. I was like, "What! How?" He got me good that time, and I think it was the last he did, too. Another time when he took one of my bishops, and I totally didn't see it coming! I was planning a good move with it, and so I said, "Oh, sad!!" He looked at me with a concerned face and said, "Don't be sad, Ms. Abbi, it's just a game."

I love to hear my kids use the term "team player." I'll praise my kids for being a team player when they are helpful to their friends, pick up toys they didn't play with, help out around the classroom, etc. So it's so funny to hear my kindergartners say to me, "Ms. Abbi, look, I'm being a team player!" or "Ms, Abbi, G*'s not being a team player!" :)

A few times when I've been sitting on the carpet with my class, teaching them something or another, they've all collectively decided out of the blue to give me a group hug. Those are sweet moments.

During October my schoolagers got it in their mind to make a haunted house out of the jungle gym in our playground. They absolutely loved being scarers and being scared, and they would scream and scream and scream. Eventually it got to the point that it was just too much screaming to sound good, so I told them they couldn't play it any more because it sounded like somebody was getting hurt. So what did their creative little minds do? They said, "All right Ms. Abbi, we'll change it to a Laughing House!" All the scarers were transformed into clowns and the visitors enjoyed their role of laughing as they had screaming. Then in November when Thanksgiving was around the corner, they made a "Turkey House." It was so funny seeing those kids walk around the playground pretending they were turkeys shouting, "Come to the Turkey House, gobble, gobble, gobble" over and over again. Needless to say, the Turkey House didn't last near as long as the haunted house had, but boy was it funny while it lasted.

During the summer on one particularly hard day, two of my kids, A* and A*, cleaned up the whole classroom before snack when everyone else was choosing to ignore me and not pick up their areas. I was so pleased and grateful that these two kids did this without even being asked, that I publicly thanked them and told them I would get them their favorite candy bar for it. Well, for the next two weeks, D*, A*'s brother, was constantly doing things to be helpful around the class and telling me, "Ms. Abbi, look what I'm doing! And my favorite kind of candy is a Nerd's Rope. You can get it at the Dollar Tree. Do you know where the Dollar Tree is?" And every day he'd remind me to pick one up for him. He was so persistent! So of course I got one for him. The day D* and A* stopped coming to KinderCare was definitely a sad one for me, I loved those boys.

On Halloween, C* trick or treated at my house. Her mom works at my KinderCare, and so I knew that they lived really close to me and told them they should trick or treat in my neighborhood. C* has been one of my more difficult students, but I'll tell you, there was no kid that I was more thrilled to see than her that night. It's really true, those you serve you love.

Playing soccer, bouncy ball, and basketball with one of my schoolagers J*. I could tell it made him so happy to play ball with me, and I'll tell you, a happy J* is rare indeed.

B* and A* (both girls) were playing police and robbers with T* (a boy). The girls were the robbers and the boy was the police. Basically, the girls were playing chase and the boy was playing police. A* has a crush on T*, and she also happens to be very fast and athletic. It was so funny watching them play, because T* kept catching B* and taking her back to the "police station," because B* was slower and thus easier to catch. A*'s face kept getting more and more jealous and frustrated when T* would kept only catching B*! The poor girl didn't get that it was just because she was faster--she seemed to think T* was preferrentially choosing B*. Oh young love! (I've found it's mostly from the girl's point of view, and the boys are oblivious.)

And this last memory is one of my very most treasured. In mid to late November, we had some beautiful warm sunny days. On one of these days the sun was out and there was a slight wind gently blowing from the west. There are a whole bunch of desiduous trees to the west of us, and it seemed the wind was carrying all of their leaves down to us as a gift. All the leaves were dancing down towards us, a parade of falling leaves. All the kids and I stood on the lawn for quite some time trying to catch them. The leaves were so quick and hard to catch, but there were so many of them, if you just put your hand up for a while, eventually a leaf would fall into it. It was the neatest experience, like a little moment of magic. Of course all the kids were absolutely delighted, and I felt like a kid again. I love how my job ages me and keeps me young all at the same time.