You all know the adage, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Well, I've tweaked that phrase a bit to say, "Trials make the heart grow stronger."
I have had three extremely challenging children in my class over the last eight months, all three of which are no longer in my class. I cannot tell you how grateful and happy I am about this fact! It feels so nice to know that tomorrow most likely none of my children will hit, scream, yell, kick, throw toys, or continually and intentionally try to annoy their classmates or me. I have not had that luxury over the last few months, but now I do, and I am so grateful for it.
This has been such a happy Easter weekend for me as I've looked back over the last 8 months and what I have learned from these three children. Because of the Atonement and Resurrection of Christ, I am able to learn, grow, and progress because of trials rather than be defeated by them. Here is a celebration of 5 ways trials have blessed my life:
1. I have learned how important it is to try really hard to not judge parents or teachers by the behavior of their children. At times I felt judged by my coworkers for the outbursts or behavioral problems of my children, and it was really hard to not feel guilty or down on myself during these times. I am so grateful for a boss that assured me that I was a good teacher despite my kids' problems. On one especially hard day she could tell that I was feeling really down and she said to me firmly, "Do not let this get to your head. You are a good teacher. His problems are not your fault. Don't go there." That meant so much to me. Don't judge. You really don't know what these parents/teachers are going through.
2. I have also learned how important it is so not compare yourself to others. At times I would compare myself to the the teachers I felt judged by and wonder if my kids would be having so many problems if I were more like them. In some cases these teachers were able to come into my class and get my child to listen or obey when I could not, and that made me doubt myself. In subsequent experiences when these teachers had extended supervision of my children, I found out that they couldn't handle them any better than I could. That gave me hope. I realized that giving a command in one instance (when you are an outsider) is a lot easier than being successful in continuously directing a child in the right direction, and so you can't compare the two. Furthermore, just because someone is different than you or has different strengths than you does not make them a better person than you.
3. Because of this time of testing and trial, I now feel so much more confident in my abilities to manage a classroom, discipline, and know where to draw the line with behavioral issues. Now if I feel judged by another teacher, I don't doubt myself, but rather think, "I am doing the best I can, and while I know it is not perfect, it is pretty dang good if I do say so myself!" Trials help you gain confidence and self-awareness.
4. Going through hard times makes normal times seem easier. I don't think I would be so happy about or grateful for my present class if I hadn't experienced a very challenging class beforehand. In addition, eight months ago, the prospect of having 10 kids in my class would have seemed very hard, but now it feels so nice!
5. I have learned how essential the attribute of temperance is in raising children. The ability to be slow to anger or irritation, remain calm amidst chaos, and exercise self-control is absolutely vital in working with children. I have prayed for this ability, and my day goes by so much better when I am temperate. To sum up this important trait, I will write one of my all-time favorite quotes by Goethe:
"I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make a life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or deescalated and a personal humanized or dehumanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be...we help them become what they are capable of becoming."
This is my motto in teaching preschool. I have learned that if I want to create a good climate in my class, if I want to be an instrument of inspiration, if I want to humor and heal, if I want to be able to deescalate crises, and if I want to treat my children as they ought to be, I have to have the quality of temperance. I believe that because of my experiences with these three children, I am a much more temperate person than I was eight months ago.
If you are still reading this, I am impressed. :) I'll stop now in my celebrations, but I may write more in the future. Until then, Happy Spring!!
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6 comments:
I love that quote! You are so wonderful and reflective. You have amazing qualities and always try to improve. Thank you for your example.
Abbi,
I am so glad to have read this because I have been going through the same problems. I am the assistant to the Sunbeams and I have had a really tough time with some of the children. I am not the type of person that can get a kid to sit still and listen, but others come along and they are so much better with them.
I too feel so much better when the rowdy or hard children to deal with, aren't there on Sunday. It's not that I don't like them, it's that things are so much easier when they are gone.
I can't tell you how many times people at church have come up to me and said, "Oh I bet being in Sunbeams is so much fun and great." The truth is, I would much prefer to not to be in there. Is it bad to think that way? The children are cute, but it's tough. I think alot of people don't understand how much responsibility goes into teaching and trying to get children to be reverent. When it's your children, it's different.
Even though my calling has been tough, I too have learned things. I have learned just like you said that I am doing my best and that's what's important, so what if someone is better with children then I am. I have learned how a kid should and shouldn't behave. I think Heavenly Father put me in my calling so that I can learn how to be better with kids for when I have my own. When I am with the children, I try and be positive and point out the good that they are doing. I have also learned that being a mom is not going to be easy. Lastly that I want to point out, is that I learned to try and show love for all children no matter what there problems are. I really do hope that the children will remember me for the best job I am doing, when they growup.
That is an excellent quote! I loved it, thanks for sharing!!
Realizing that most people (including myself!) are doing the best they can is my antidote to judgment. When I look at myself or others it really helps to assume that we're just doing our best. And thankfully that is all the Lord requires.
You have learned wonderful, valuable, insightful lessons! I can think of very few things that are as challenging and difficult as dealing with children (or adults who act like children). I hold you (and every other person who works with young children daily) in very very high esteem. Thank you for sharing your wisdom!
Abbi, it takes a special kind of person to work with these challenging children. You, are the perfect person for the job. They're so blessed to have you work with them and teach them. Don't be so hard on yourself, just like your boss said "don't go there".
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