Hugs, high fives, and "I love you"s are a normal part of every day, multiple times a day. And occasionally I also hear, "Ms. Abbi, you're my best friend," or "Ms. Abbi, I like your hair that way."
Funny situations occur frequently which make me laugh out loud, but which rarely sound funny to those to whom I repeat the story.
When the (little) people around me at work make me mad, I'm allowed to give them a piece of my mind.
I get to see incredible growth, learning, and maturity take place within a very short time, such as K* saying with the exact tone, inflection, and facial expression I've used as I've modeled it many times: "That is my spot. Please scoot over" (rather than pushing his friend in the line leader spot). Or G* choosing to share a toy and exclaiming to me, "Ms. Abbi, I'm a peacemaker!"
I have something to look forward to every morning when I go to work: seeing the beautiful and adorable faces of my students, and the way their faces light up when they see me...
Some days I think, "I can't do this, this job just takes too much out of me," but then there are days like today when I feel like I have the best job I could ever ask for!
Friday, February 19, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
Just in a Regular Day...
Here are two phrases that I've heard in the last month that have made my eyes go big:
During Centers one afternoon a couple of the boys were playing in the dramatic play area. Here are the usual things they pretend about: being police men giving tickets, going to the store, and going to the "office." Occasionally they will go somewhere exciting like on an airplane or zoo. But this one beats all!
"Ms. Abbi, we're going to go see the porsche." The funniest thing about it was the way he pronounced it: "porsh-uh." Oh dear!
On Wednesday afternoon I was with my class in the art room and they were painting with watercolors. G's dad came to pick him up, but G still wanted to paint, and so G's dad just went to the other side of the room and talked on his cell phone. Here's one phrase I overhead while he was talking, "And what about the settlement for 1.2 million, has that gone through yet?" Yikes!
During Centers one afternoon a couple of the boys were playing in the dramatic play area. Here are the usual things they pretend about: being police men giving tickets, going to the store, and going to the "office." Occasionally they will go somewhere exciting like on an airplane or zoo. But this one beats all!
"Ms. Abbi, we're going to go see the porsche." The funniest thing about it was the way he pronounced it: "porsh-uh." Oh dear!
On Wednesday afternoon I was with my class in the art room and they were painting with watercolors. G's dad came to pick him up, but G still wanted to paint, and so G's dad just went to the other side of the room and talked on his cell phone. Here's one phrase I overhead while he was talking, "And what about the settlement for 1.2 million, has that gone through yet?" Yikes!
Friday, January 8, 2010
Lessons from Mary
This is the 100th post of this blog. During the fall I saw that this was coming up, and during autumn time I always get so reminiscent, and so I kept thinking I needed to make my 100th post a list of memories from 100 different places in my life. I even started taking notes and jotted down sixty or so places I have memories from. But alas, autumn has passed and so has New Year's Day, and subsequently I feel much more forward- than backward-looking right now, so I guess I'll have to save that for a "103 Memories" post or something along those lines. :)
But for now I want to talk about lessons I've learned from Mary. During the month of December I thought about Mary a lot. And here's why:
Since graduating from college I have had three different jobs where I have worked closely with young children. I can remember how stressful college was--I always felt this burden of deadlines and work piling up and not being smart or fast enough to do it all in time and do it well. I don't experience that kind of stress anymore, and I am honestly grateful for that, but I do have a different burden I carry with me now--the burden of taking care of children.
This burden can feel so heavy at times and I feel so inadequate to carry it. Some days I come home and think, "I cannot do this. I cannot meet the needs of these children. I cannot give them what they deserve." It is a terrible feeling that I have battled these last two and half years, and I am so grateful for how the Lord has helped me learn how to battle it. But some days it is honestly overwhelming and I worry so much that I have, am, or will fail the children who are counting on me to help them develop their divine potential.
This burden is so different from the burden I carried in college, because my ability to carry it not only affects me, but many other innocent people. In college if I failed, I felt it was a blow to my self-esteem, future schooling possibilities, or efforts I had put in to succeed, but it wasn't like others would suffer if I didn't get an A on a test. But now, if I fail at my work, innocent children suffer. I know that may sound overly dramatic to you, but that's how it feels to me, and it is so real. Even the possibility of it can feel so debilitating and discouraging.
Furthermore, the management at Creme has made it very clear to me that the parents of the children in my class pay a lot of money to ensure that their child does not have any problems. And that responsibility falls on me, their teacher, the person who is with them 8 hours a day, day in and day out. I have been reminded more than once that the parents pay enough money that their child should be well-adjusted, well-mannered, advanced academically, and treated as though they were the only and most important child in the class. It's enough to make a person go bonkers.
And I do, occasionally. I come home thinking, "I cannot do this! I cannot make these children perfect! I just cannot do it!"
And the truth is I'm exactly right. I cannot make these children perfect. And I cannot expect myself to be a perfect teacher. I am going to make mistakes. I am going to lose patience and talk to a child who is driving me crazy in a less than gentle and calm voice. I am going to occasionally have to ignore the needs of some children to attend to the need of another. I am going to teach some lessons that just do not reach the minds or hearts of my children. I am at times going to be focused on something else and fail to intervene in a situation when my children get hurt or hurt each other. I'm sorry, but it's going to happen. As much as I try to never let these things happen, they do.
And that is why the last two and half years have been such a tutorial on applying the Atonement in my life. Since working with children, I have felt such a daily, intense, desperate need for Jesus Christ to save me and the children I work with from the mistakes I make, the weaknesses I have, and the good things I fail to do. When I come home at the end of a hard day, I have to believe that Christ will make up for my weaknesses and protect the children from any real harm, or else I would buckle under the reality that I alone am not enough for these children. I believe that nothing can make you realize your total dependence on the Lord like working with children can.
I am so grateful for the grace of Jesus Christ. I am so grateful that I can rely on Him to make things right when everything goes all wrong, despite my good intentions. I am so grateful that I know that He watches over my children, that He loves them, and that He will heal their wounds and in time make up for whatever I can't provide for them. It is such a gift to know this and be able to feel this at the end of a hard day.
During Christmastime I thought a lot about Mary, because she actually was asked to raise a perfect Child. I thought about the pressure she must have felt to be asked to raise the Savior of the world--I know it must have felt enormous--and I wondered how she handled it. I think she must have handled it beautifully, because in the scriptures, she seems so peaceful and serene about the whole situation. I thought if she were like me, she would have freaked out over the fact that she didn't even have a nice room to bring Jesus into the world in. She would have worried that the stable wasn't good enough, that their ability to give the Savior what He deserved was sub-par and a real disappointment. She would worry that she was failing Him, that she didn't have what it takes (both temporally and spiritually) to raise the Boy who would become the great Redeemer. But I don't get the sense that she felt that way.
And why not? Because she trusted that God was taking care of them, that He was watching over them, that as long as she tried her best, it would be acceptable and pleasing to the Lord. Even a lowly stable. She had faith that no mistake she made was too big for God to fix, to make right, to overcome, and to overshadow. Nothing she did or did not do could prevent the Savior from fulfilling His mission on earth. She had complete and total trust in God and His power to save, and because of that, she had peace and serenity in her heart.
When talking about this with my sister Audra and her husband Mike, he pointed out how even when she forgot Him in Jerusalem (talk about big mistake!), it didn't change the course of things. The mission of the Savior was something much greater than her, and nothing she did or did not do could stop it. And that's what I want to have faith in everyday. The mission of helping these children is so much greater than just me and my works--I am just a small part of the Savior's mission to save and bless their lives. I can and should do all I can to help them, but in the end, it is the Savior who saves them, not me. And I need to have faith in the Savior's power to complete that mission of salvation. It is exciting to be a part of it, and that's how I should see it--exciting, not discouraging.
To all you who work with children, I pray for you to feel this peace in your life. I hope we can all have the faith in our hearts to trust in the Atoning power of Jesus Christ to forgive, heal, and overcome the effects of our mistakes.
But for now I want to talk about lessons I've learned from Mary. During the month of December I thought about Mary a lot. And here's why:
Since graduating from college I have had three different jobs where I have worked closely with young children. I can remember how stressful college was--I always felt this burden of deadlines and work piling up and not being smart or fast enough to do it all in time and do it well. I don't experience that kind of stress anymore, and I am honestly grateful for that, but I do have a different burden I carry with me now--the burden of taking care of children.
This burden can feel so heavy at times and I feel so inadequate to carry it. Some days I come home and think, "I cannot do this. I cannot meet the needs of these children. I cannot give them what they deserve." It is a terrible feeling that I have battled these last two and half years, and I am so grateful for how the Lord has helped me learn how to battle it. But some days it is honestly overwhelming and I worry so much that I have, am, or will fail the children who are counting on me to help them develop their divine potential.
This burden is so different from the burden I carried in college, because my ability to carry it not only affects me, but many other innocent people. In college if I failed, I felt it was a blow to my self-esteem, future schooling possibilities, or efforts I had put in to succeed, but it wasn't like others would suffer if I didn't get an A on a test. But now, if I fail at my work, innocent children suffer. I know that may sound overly dramatic to you, but that's how it feels to me, and it is so real. Even the possibility of it can feel so debilitating and discouraging.
Furthermore, the management at Creme has made it very clear to me that the parents of the children in my class pay a lot of money to ensure that their child does not have any problems. And that responsibility falls on me, their teacher, the person who is with them 8 hours a day, day in and day out. I have been reminded more than once that the parents pay enough money that their child should be well-adjusted, well-mannered, advanced academically, and treated as though they were the only and most important child in the class. It's enough to make a person go bonkers.
And I do, occasionally. I come home thinking, "I cannot do this! I cannot make these children perfect! I just cannot do it!"
And the truth is I'm exactly right. I cannot make these children perfect. And I cannot expect myself to be a perfect teacher. I am going to make mistakes. I am going to lose patience and talk to a child who is driving me crazy in a less than gentle and calm voice. I am going to occasionally have to ignore the needs of some children to attend to the need of another. I am going to teach some lessons that just do not reach the minds or hearts of my children. I am at times going to be focused on something else and fail to intervene in a situation when my children get hurt or hurt each other. I'm sorry, but it's going to happen. As much as I try to never let these things happen, they do.
And that is why the last two and half years have been such a tutorial on applying the Atonement in my life. Since working with children, I have felt such a daily, intense, desperate need for Jesus Christ to save me and the children I work with from the mistakes I make, the weaknesses I have, and the good things I fail to do. When I come home at the end of a hard day, I have to believe that Christ will make up for my weaknesses and protect the children from any real harm, or else I would buckle under the reality that I alone am not enough for these children. I believe that nothing can make you realize your total dependence on the Lord like working with children can.
I am so grateful for the grace of Jesus Christ. I am so grateful that I can rely on Him to make things right when everything goes all wrong, despite my good intentions. I am so grateful that I know that He watches over my children, that He loves them, and that He will heal their wounds and in time make up for whatever I can't provide for them. It is such a gift to know this and be able to feel this at the end of a hard day.
During Christmastime I thought a lot about Mary, because she actually was asked to raise a perfect Child. I thought about the pressure she must have felt to be asked to raise the Savior of the world--I know it must have felt enormous--and I wondered how she handled it. I think she must have handled it beautifully, because in the scriptures, she seems so peaceful and serene about the whole situation. I thought if she were like me, she would have freaked out over the fact that she didn't even have a nice room to bring Jesus into the world in. She would have worried that the stable wasn't good enough, that their ability to give the Savior what He deserved was sub-par and a real disappointment. She would worry that she was failing Him, that she didn't have what it takes (both temporally and spiritually) to raise the Boy who would become the great Redeemer. But I don't get the sense that she felt that way.
And why not? Because she trusted that God was taking care of them, that He was watching over them, that as long as she tried her best, it would be acceptable and pleasing to the Lord. Even a lowly stable. She had faith that no mistake she made was too big for God to fix, to make right, to overcome, and to overshadow. Nothing she did or did not do could prevent the Savior from fulfilling His mission on earth. She had complete and total trust in God and His power to save, and because of that, she had peace and serenity in her heart.
When talking about this with my sister Audra and her husband Mike, he pointed out how even when she forgot Him in Jerusalem (talk about big mistake!), it didn't change the course of things. The mission of the Savior was something much greater than her, and nothing she did or did not do could stop it. And that's what I want to have faith in everyday. The mission of helping these children is so much greater than just me and my works--I am just a small part of the Savior's mission to save and bless their lives. I can and should do all I can to help them, but in the end, it is the Savior who saves them, not me. And I need to have faith in the Savior's power to complete that mission of salvation. It is exciting to be a part of it, and that's how I should see it--exciting, not discouraging.
To all you who work with children, I pray for you to feel this peace in your life. I hope we can all have the faith in our hearts to trust in the Atoning power of Jesus Christ to forgive, heal, and overcome the effects of our mistakes.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Mo' Money, Mo' Problems
In working with (or should I say for?) super rich parents at my job at Crème de la Crème, I have learned a few things about wealth and what it can and cannot do for you. I’ve learned that money can:
1. Buy you delusions and for others to act like your delusions are reality.
2. Cause you to invent stupid problems for yourself and those around you.
3. Make you believe that you are the center of the universe.
4. Make your life overly busy, stressful, and complicated.
5. Make you think you need to pretend that you're someone you’re not.
6. Cause you to miss the precious early years of your child’s life.
7. Buy you super nice cars, homes, clothes, vacations, and childcare.
I’ve also learned a few things that money cannot do for you. Unfortunately, money cannot:
1. Make you happy.
2. Buy perfect children (or pay for others to make your children perfect).
3. Make you likable.
4. Erase all your problems.
Just a little food for thought to all who hope to be filthy rich some day...
1. Buy you delusions and for others to act like your delusions are reality.
2. Cause you to invent stupid problems for yourself and those around you.
3. Make you believe that you are the center of the universe.
4. Make your life overly busy, stressful, and complicated.
5. Make you think you need to pretend that you're someone you’re not.
6. Cause you to miss the precious early years of your child’s life.
7. Buy you super nice cars, homes, clothes, vacations, and childcare.
I’ve also learned a few things that money cannot do for you. Unfortunately, money cannot:
1. Make you happy.
2. Buy perfect children (or pay for others to make your children perfect).
3. Make you likable.
4. Erase all your problems.
Just a little food for thought to all who hope to be filthy rich some day...
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Some Laughter
My last post was about some of the things I've learned at Creme (some through tears) and so now I think it's time to share some parts of my job that make me laugh! I have one little boy in my class, K, who I absolutely adore, but who also tests me continually. He is the most enthusiastic and affectionate little boy you'll ever meet, but he is also the most high maintenance little boy you'll ever meet. He is always touching, pushing, yelling, making noises, trying to get the people around him to make noises, hugging, laughing really loudly, running, grabbing, banging, provoking the other kids, etc. He makes the kids around him mad all the time, but it's not done maliciously, just in an attempt to make some fun. And because of this, I am continually asking him to stop and asking him to apologize. He is VERY generous with his apologies. He is always so quick to say, "I'm sorry," and to tell his friends reassuringly, "You'll be okay," as though someone else was the cause of their tears. He also tells me every day (sometimes multiple times a day) that he loves me, I'm his best friend, and that I'm beautiful. Have I mentioned I love this kid? :)
So there's the back-up of this funny story. It's about 5:15 pm and K has had an especially hard time controlling himself this day. I'm tired of correcting him, and so when he does the same thing I've just asked him not to do 30 seconds ago, I impatiently say to him, "K, I just asked you not to do that. You have to stop doing that." He looks completely unaffected and proceeds to respond with his quick and obligatory "I'm sorry," and for some reason his cute face, his spirit so resilient to ever feeling defeated or discouraged, his Indian accent as he says "I'm sorry," and everything about the whole day strikes me as so FUNNY. I try really hard not to laugh, but that only makes it burst out all the more when I can't contain it. All the kids immediately look at me surprised and it doesn't take long for them to all join in with me, even though they have no idea what they are laughing about. I have a hard time stopping laughing and the kids have no problem keep right on laughing with me. I think we laughed for a good three to five minutes together. :)
And here's another thing that made me laugh: We're all outside on a beautiful day at about 4:15 pm. One of the kids, R, tells me that he saw me through the looking glass on the playground. I say, "Really? How'd I look?" He puts his head down slightly, tries not to smile, and says, "Great. Great with lipstick on." I tried not to laugh, just to look happy and pleased, but afterwards I laughed really hard about it.
And last one: one of the little girls in my coteacher's class calls me, "Ms. Happy." Every time she calls me that, a smile comes to my soul.
So there's the back-up of this funny story. It's about 5:15 pm and K has had an especially hard time controlling himself this day. I'm tired of correcting him, and so when he does the same thing I've just asked him not to do 30 seconds ago, I impatiently say to him, "K, I just asked you not to do that. You have to stop doing that." He looks completely unaffected and proceeds to respond with his quick and obligatory "I'm sorry," and for some reason his cute face, his spirit so resilient to ever feeling defeated or discouraged, his Indian accent as he says "I'm sorry," and everything about the whole day strikes me as so FUNNY. I try really hard not to laugh, but that only makes it burst out all the more when I can't contain it. All the kids immediately look at me surprised and it doesn't take long for them to all join in with me, even though they have no idea what they are laughing about. I have a hard time stopping laughing and the kids have no problem keep right on laughing with me. I think we laughed for a good three to five minutes together. :)
And here's another thing that made me laugh: We're all outside on a beautiful day at about 4:15 pm. One of the kids, R, tells me that he saw me through the looking glass on the playground. I say, "Really? How'd I look?" He puts his head down slightly, tries not to smile, and says, "Great. Great with lipstick on." I tried not to laugh, just to look happy and pleased, but afterwards I laughed really hard about it.
And last one: one of the little girls in my coteacher's class calls me, "Ms. Happy." Every time she calls me that, a smile comes to my soul.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
What I've Learned
When I started this job as a preschool teacher, I decided I didn't want to expect perfection of myself, but instead made a goal for myself to learn something each day and then work on incorporating that thing for the next few days. After 34 days of working there, here are 34 things I've learned (or relearned):
1. Don't be ashamed or afraid to ask for help--when you really need it, swallow your pride and ask for help. People are usually willing and happy to help.
2. When a kid is potty-training, don't say: "Johnny, it's time to go potty," but rather, "Johnny, come with me" and then take him by the hand to the potty, and you'll get a lot less resistance.
3. Know your boundaries and stick by them. When a kid stays within the boundaries, reward him. When a kid steps out of the boundaries, have natural consequences for it.
4. Enjoy and cherish the magic of childhood. Remember that everything is so new to these children and celebrate their discoveries with them. Life is precious and is a gift from God--enjoy it!!
5. Talk to the children, not at them.
6. When a child is not listening to you, physical contact (touching their arm, holding their face, sometimes even just getting close to them) works much better at getting their attention than raising your voice.
7. Focus on the children's interests, feelings, and needs rather than on the rules and expectations of the program.
8. When talking to children, use short, simple, concise, concrete phrases rather than lengthy explanations or directions.
9. Involve the children as much as possible in everything you do.
10. Take time to give rewards (stickers, high-fives, verbal praise by name), and you will thank yourself for it.
11. Make a point of teaching good manners and respect for elders by having them say "yes ma'am" rather than just "yes."
12. Don't ask the children if they can or want to do something, direct them by saying phrases such as "Will you please..." or "I need you to..." or "I want you to..."
13. Play with the children and use that as an incentive for the children. Also, use the kids' desire to be your big helper as an incentive.
14. Focus on the people you serve rather than on whether or not you are doing a good job serving them.
15. The Atonement can make up for your shortcomings. With the help and grace of Jesus Christ, everything that is honestly worked towards is good enough.
16. Relax and focus on quality rather than on quantity. It's better to let things go than to feel stressed and consequently have a tense atmosphere in your class.
17. Logic often fails in working with small children, and so following intution and the Spirit is often the better way to go about helping a small child who is having a hard time.
18. Assume that everyone around you is honestly doing their best with what they have.
19. Children are innocent and need direction, correction, and consequences--not punishment or reprimanding.
20. Losing your patience with difficult children is a temptation that can only be overcome by prayer, fasting, and the Atonement.
21. Give children 3 and 1 minute warnings for times of transition.
22. There is not one "good teacher," so it's pointless to compare yourself to others. Everyone uses their strengths and personality to teach with a different style, and you need to focus on using your strengths and personality to be the best teacher you can be.
23. It's more important what God thinks of how you're doing your job than what management thinks of how you're doing your job. Follow the rules of the organization, but don't be preoccupied with pleasing management.
24. Choosing not to ever speak poorly of a coworker is so worth it. When you are having a hard time with a coworker, seek advice and understanding from the Spirit and outside sources, not another coworker.
25. Priesthood blessings can calm hearts and open the floodgate of revelation.
26. Kids need to know you're the boss and you're in control, or else they will feel their life is out of control and act out.
27. Love never fails--when you feel that all else is failing, seek to express love for the kids.
28. Think of the manual labor involved in raising kids as service rather than drudgery.
29. Physical touch and activity is so important for my class! Hugs, high fives, holding hands, jumping, running--these things are invaluable and must be incorporated into the day for it to go well.
30. Pray for specific things that you and your kids need help with rather than general blessings.
31. When children are upset, give them words for what they are feeling and then offer them a possible plan of action for them to feel better.
32. Sometimes my children will say "I can't do it!" when I ask them to do something. I know they can, but they think they can't. I tell them they have to try and then I will help them. I think that's the way with us and Heavenly Father--if we just try, He will help us, but we have to try.
33. To save your back, bend from the legs--even if you look silly doing it!
34. Encourage the children that they are big and can make good choices rather than emphasizing that they are not making good choices.
Here's to many more lessons to come!
1. Don't be ashamed or afraid to ask for help--when you really need it, swallow your pride and ask for help. People are usually willing and happy to help.
2. When a kid is potty-training, don't say: "Johnny, it's time to go potty," but rather, "Johnny, come with me" and then take him by the hand to the potty, and you'll get a lot less resistance.
3. Know your boundaries and stick by them. When a kid stays within the boundaries, reward him. When a kid steps out of the boundaries, have natural consequences for it.
4. Enjoy and cherish the magic of childhood. Remember that everything is so new to these children and celebrate their discoveries with them. Life is precious and is a gift from God--enjoy it!!
5. Talk to the children, not at them.
6. When a child is not listening to you, physical contact (touching their arm, holding their face, sometimes even just getting close to them) works much better at getting their attention than raising your voice.
7. Focus on the children's interests, feelings, and needs rather than on the rules and expectations of the program.
8. When talking to children, use short, simple, concise, concrete phrases rather than lengthy explanations or directions.
9. Involve the children as much as possible in everything you do.
10. Take time to give rewards (stickers, high-fives, verbal praise by name), and you will thank yourself for it.
11. Make a point of teaching good manners and respect for elders by having them say "yes ma'am" rather than just "yes."
12. Don't ask the children if they can or want to do something, direct them by saying phrases such as "Will you please..." or "I need you to..." or "I want you to..."
13. Play with the children and use that as an incentive for the children. Also, use the kids' desire to be your big helper as an incentive.
14. Focus on the people you serve rather than on whether or not you are doing a good job serving them.
15. The Atonement can make up for your shortcomings. With the help and grace of Jesus Christ, everything that is honestly worked towards is good enough.
16. Relax and focus on quality rather than on quantity. It's better to let things go than to feel stressed and consequently have a tense atmosphere in your class.
17. Logic often fails in working with small children, and so following intution and the Spirit is often the better way to go about helping a small child who is having a hard time.
18. Assume that everyone around you is honestly doing their best with what they have.
19. Children are innocent and need direction, correction, and consequences--not punishment or reprimanding.
20. Losing your patience with difficult children is a temptation that can only be overcome by prayer, fasting, and the Atonement.
21. Give children 3 and 1 minute warnings for times of transition.
22. There is not one "good teacher," so it's pointless to compare yourself to others. Everyone uses their strengths and personality to teach with a different style, and you need to focus on using your strengths and personality to be the best teacher you can be.
23. It's more important what God thinks of how you're doing your job than what management thinks of how you're doing your job. Follow the rules of the organization, but don't be preoccupied with pleasing management.
24. Choosing not to ever speak poorly of a coworker is so worth it. When you are having a hard time with a coworker, seek advice and understanding from the Spirit and outside sources, not another coworker.
25. Priesthood blessings can calm hearts and open the floodgate of revelation.
26. Kids need to know you're the boss and you're in control, or else they will feel their life is out of control and act out.
27. Love never fails--when you feel that all else is failing, seek to express love for the kids.
28. Think of the manual labor involved in raising kids as service rather than drudgery.
29. Physical touch and activity is so important for my class! Hugs, high fives, holding hands, jumping, running--these things are invaluable and must be incorporated into the day for it to go well.
30. Pray for specific things that you and your kids need help with rather than general blessings.
31. When children are upset, give them words for what they are feeling and then offer them a possible plan of action for them to feel better.
32. Sometimes my children will say "I can't do it!" when I ask them to do something. I know they can, but they think they can't. I tell them they have to try and then I will help them. I think that's the way with us and Heavenly Father--if we just try, He will help us, but we have to try.
33. To save your back, bend from the legs--even if you look silly doing it!
34. Encourage the children that they are big and can make good choices rather than emphasizing that they are not making good choices.
Here's to many more lessons to come!
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Learning from Failure
I'm back again! After the big move to Atlanta, I've found a job and am now ready to share my fun work stories again. :) I got a job as a preschool teacher at a Creme de la Creme (super high-end day care). It is the nicest day care anyone could imagine. The building is HUGE, with not only different rooms for all the different age groups, but also a gym, ballet studio, tennis court, basketball court, playground, water park, math room, computer room, library, art room, music room, uniform store, reading room, hair-cut salon, fish pond...you get the picture. (Everything is kid-size, but still!) The center of the building is built to look like a French town. Yeah, it's pretty nice.
Monday was my first day. Monday through Thursday I shadowed the teacher I will be replacing, and she was great to show me how things are done. Because everything there is so high quality, they also expect their teachers to do a lot, and so there was (and IS) a lot for me to learn! By Thursday I was starting to feel sufficiently overwhelmed. I started thinking, "What was I thinking that I could do this? I can't do this! I am going to let everyone down--my supervisors, my co-teachers, the kids, the kids' parents. Aaaah!!!"
As much as I wish this was a new thing for me to experience, it is not. In fact, having these feelings was like meeting with a very old and familiar friend (or should I say enemy). All these feelings accompanied me almost constantly as I tried to teach kindergarten at the KinderCare in Salt Lake. I really felt inadequate to the challenges I had there, and although no parent or supervisor complained about me (that I'm aware of), I was always worrying that I wasn't doing a good enough job for the children.
So, alas, here I was on Thursday night, feeling really inadequate and REALLY not looking forward to the companionship of my old enemy. And so I decided I needed to do something about it. So I wrote down all the negative thoughts that were going through my head and then turned to the scriptures for help. I turned to Alma 44, and in this chapter Moroni is talking to his enemy Zerahemnah about how the Lord has helped him (Moroni) overcome him (Zerahemnah). He said in verse 4,
"Now ye see that this is the true faith of God; yea, ye see that God will support, and keep, and preserve us, so long as we are faithful unto him, and unto our faith, and our religion; and never will the Lord suffer that we shall be destroyed except we should fall into transgression and deny our faith."
From that verse, I realized that the Lord will support and keep and preserve me in my efforts to be a good preschool teacher, as long as I continue in my faith in Him. I needed to give up the fear of my inadequacies, and rather accept them as a part of life and turn to the Lord for support, having the faith that he would preserve me (and the kids) despite them. I realized that I was focusing too much on wanting to be amazing, phenomenal, incredible, to the point that I was terrified of mediocrity and paralyzed by the possibility of failure. When really I should embrace the fact that I am just learning, and therefore I probably will fail repeatedly in my efforts to be a perfect teacher. But that's okay, because as long as I stay faithful to the Lord, he will not let my failings destroy me or the children I teach. So instead of being afraid of failure, I should anticipate it and learn from it, including taking advantage of many opportunities to daily apply the Atonement in my life.
Let me tell you, mediocrity never felt so good! On Friday I had such a good day, because I anticipated making lots of mistakes and struggling to meet all the expectations my supervisor has for me. I walked into the room expecting to fail and face it head on! But I also walked into the room knowing that the Lord would support and preserve and keep me through it all, that He was watching over me and the children, that He would help me learn from my failures and not allow me to fail in any way that would really hurt the children. It was like a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders.
I'm so glad I've figured this out, but now's the hard part: actually living it! I think I should pray every morning for help to learn from my mistakes, let go of the burden of perfectionism, and increase my faith that Jesus can and will make up for my weaknesses. Wish me luck!
Monday was my first day. Monday through Thursday I shadowed the teacher I will be replacing, and she was great to show me how things are done. Because everything there is so high quality, they also expect their teachers to do a lot, and so there was (and IS) a lot for me to learn! By Thursday I was starting to feel sufficiently overwhelmed. I started thinking, "What was I thinking that I could do this? I can't do this! I am going to let everyone down--my supervisors, my co-teachers, the kids, the kids' parents. Aaaah!!!"
As much as I wish this was a new thing for me to experience, it is not. In fact, having these feelings was like meeting with a very old and familiar friend (or should I say enemy). All these feelings accompanied me almost constantly as I tried to teach kindergarten at the KinderCare in Salt Lake. I really felt inadequate to the challenges I had there, and although no parent or supervisor complained about me (that I'm aware of), I was always worrying that I wasn't doing a good enough job for the children.
So, alas, here I was on Thursday night, feeling really inadequate and REALLY not looking forward to the companionship of my old enemy. And so I decided I needed to do something about it. So I wrote down all the negative thoughts that were going through my head and then turned to the scriptures for help. I turned to Alma 44, and in this chapter Moroni is talking to his enemy Zerahemnah about how the Lord has helped him (Moroni) overcome him (Zerahemnah). He said in verse 4,
"Now ye see that this is the true faith of God; yea, ye see that God will support, and keep, and preserve us, so long as we are faithful unto him, and unto our faith, and our religion; and never will the Lord suffer that we shall be destroyed except we should fall into transgression and deny our faith."
From that verse, I realized that the Lord will support and keep and preserve me in my efforts to be a good preschool teacher, as long as I continue in my faith in Him. I needed to give up the fear of my inadequacies, and rather accept them as a part of life and turn to the Lord for support, having the faith that he would preserve me (and the kids) despite them. I realized that I was focusing too much on wanting to be amazing, phenomenal, incredible, to the point that I was terrified of mediocrity and paralyzed by the possibility of failure. When really I should embrace the fact that I am just learning, and therefore I probably will fail repeatedly in my efforts to be a perfect teacher. But that's okay, because as long as I stay faithful to the Lord, he will not let my failings destroy me or the children I teach. So instead of being afraid of failure, I should anticipate it and learn from it, including taking advantage of many opportunities to daily apply the Atonement in my life.
Let me tell you, mediocrity never felt so good! On Friday I had such a good day, because I anticipated making lots of mistakes and struggling to meet all the expectations my supervisor has for me. I walked into the room expecting to fail and face it head on! But I also walked into the room knowing that the Lord would support and preserve and keep me through it all, that He was watching over me and the children, that He would help me learn from my failures and not allow me to fail in any way that would really hurt the children. It was like a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders.
I'm so glad I've figured this out, but now's the hard part: actually living it! I think I should pray every morning for help to learn from my mistakes, let go of the burden of perfectionism, and increase my faith that Jesus can and will make up for my weaknesses. Wish me luck!
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