Regroup!

Yesterday I was reminded of how important it is to regroup when my kids are out of control. When they are all fighting, bouncing off the walls, doing all sorts of things they are not supposed to do, and ignoring all my requests to do otherwise, the best thing to do is REGROUP. I definitely did not do that yesterday in an out-of-control time, and all I ended up accomplishing was feeling like a very mean teacher with some very grumpy students.

Usually, the schoolagers get back in two groups: one at 3:45 and one at 4:00. The first thing they do is sit down for snack and then they can play until we go outside at 4:30. I usually ask them to start cleaning up at around 4:25, and we're out the door by 4:35. That time from 4-4:30 is usually a stressful time of day because they get back from school so hyper, loud, and energetic, and our one little room can only hold so much. But most days it's bearable, and then once we get outside where they can run and yell, it's much easier.

Well, yesterday they all got back from school in one group at 4:11. And from then on I was yelling (you have to yell if you want to be heard over 20 loud kids--that is, unless you REGROUP), "Hurry and eat snack so we can go outside!" "Hurry and clean up so we can go outside!" "I am not the one who made all this mess, so I should not be the only one cleaning it!" "You need to stop ____!" "You cannot be ____!" "You know you're not supposed to ____!" "It's time to go outside, we need to all help clean up!" "Everyone, line up to go outside!"...You get the picture.

So yeah, we didn't get outside until after 4:45, and we have to come inside at 5:00. So of course all the kids complain when I say it's time to go inside that "We just got out here!" To which I snap that it's their fault, if they had just listened and cleaned up when I asked them to, we could have had a lot longer time outside. It was such a beautiful day, they were not the only grumpy ones that we only had ten minutes outside.

Needless to say, I came home feeling like an el-crapo teacher. Which is really unfortunate, because I think I had actually done a pretty good job teaching, explaining, and being patient for the first six hours of the day. But all I could think was, "Why didn't I just regroup!"

If I had just regrouped at 4:20 (when I started to sense that everyone was out of control), then I could have avoided all that nightmare time. I could have had them all come to the carpet where I would calmly and kindly explain the situation to them. I would apologize that we didn't have very much time to play inside today, but since they got back late, we needed to just clean up right away. I would beg them to please please please try to stay under control until we got outside and then they could be as crazy as they wanted to be. I would say the faster we clean up, the faster we can go outside. I would assign them to specific areas to clean up, so everyone knew exactly what they needed to do. And I wouldn't even need to yell one bit. *Sigh* If only... But I am determined to do better next time!

But on to a better story about regrouping, one that is actually a success story, and funny too.

Several times when my kindergartners have seemed to all be fighting with each other, I have had them come to the carpet and I've discussed the situation with them. I ask these questions, with these types of responses from them:
"I am really sad, because I am feeling some yucky feelings in this class. Is anyone else feeling that?" (Yes.)
"Why do you think I am feeling so yucky?" (Because we are all fighting.)
"I want our class to be a place where we can feel good and safe. How do you think we could get rid of these yucky feelings and feel good again?" (Stop fighting and be nice.)
"Do you think that if someone came up to me and stole the toy I was playing with and made me really mad, do you think hitting them back would help us have good feelings in this class?" (No!)
"So if someone came up to me and stole my toy, what could I do about it and still not feel yucky?" (Ask them nicely to give it back, explain that I was playing with it, etc.)
And then at the end of the conversation, I usually say something nice about each student in the class to help bring back good feelings into the class. This technique has worked so well for our class. (A big thanks to Heather W*, Quinn's mom, for demonstrating this approach to me in her home.)

So with that said, you'll understand why this story is cute and funny. Yesterday a little girl in my class came up to me and said the cutest thing. I wish you could see her little concerned face, and know her cute personality behind it. "Ms. Abbi, A* yelled in my face, and now I have yucky feelings." I had to try really hard not to smile at that!